Mortality

As I write tonight, I write with mixed emotions.  I'll be heading home in a couple of days to spend what may be the last days of my Mom's life.  The last year has been a ride and one I told myself I would stay away from on here....but here I am.....writing.

My Dad passed from pancreatic cancer a year ago, September 23, 2009 and the same week we found out my Mom had liver cancer.  She's been amazingly strong and has survived a lot longer than her doctors predicted but now the pain is increasing and she is needing more and more morphine.

While taking care of my parents, I've always had the ability or.....hmmmmmm....not sure what you would call it but I've always turned off my emotions and took care of the business at hand.  Tonight as I seemed to be having flashes and memories of them through the years and as I look how their lives have come to an end, I've been flooded with a boat load of emotion.  I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and I believe we'll be united some day.  I know everyone reading this has different beliefs but this is what I believe.  Surprisingly I've caught myself being a little angry at God for the way he planned our lives.  I've caught myself thinking, wouldn't it be easier if instead of dying in the body, we just ascended or something.  But I guess that's where the faith comes in.  I have Faith, I Believe but sometimes the struggle is still there.

So we're born, we grow, we live and we die.  Sounds simple but life is so complex.  Some people do a lot of living in that time and sadly some don't.  I think that's why it's so important for me to strive to be a better person, to live a better life.  And yep.... I'm always blowing it one way or the other......but I have to keep trying..... and I have to have Faith.

I've had some really good talks with my Mom the last few weeks and for that I am grateful.  In those talks, she has asked so many times, how did I get here, how did I get like this, this is not how it was supposed to be.  Seems like all I can say to her is you've been given a good life, had some wonderful times and memories and loved and have been loved by an incredible man but our bodies give out and we get old.  It doesn't make it any easier for her or me....but that's how life works.

I guess what I've been learning more than anything lately with so much tragedy in my family as well as so much tragedy around the world  is that we have to take each moment, seize that moment and Live, Love and Laugh often and never.....Never forget to Dance.......

I'm still struggling with keeping my eyes on the good and positive things in life and not dwelling on the sadness and pain but that too....... is part of this Journey Of Life.