Slipping Into Anger

I've sat down in front of the computer several times the last couple of weeks and written several blogs....but never hit the publish button. I had some great words to say to congressman Boehner as to how fed up I was with his politics as usual. I wrote another blog about circumstances and how can we really change them....makes things right.

But as I wrote each blog, I noticed a lot of anger slipping back into my writing.

The last few weeks, I've been able to let go of a lot of the anger I had kept inside, from the last few years of craziness.  It felt good.....actually....it felt great. I was finally letting go and finding a small amount of peace again.

Then, circumstances started changing, putting me back to a place I hadn't been in a while. I realized that a lot of the circumstances that I thought I had resolved, had only been smoothed over. The last few days, those smooth edges began to get ruffled again. The anger was back. I could see it in my blogs, in my words, in the way I had been treating others, in all of it's ugly glory, and I didn't like what I was seeing.

Yesterday, it reached its peak.  My ears were ringing off the wall, the knots in my back were pulsating, and my anger was lashing out at everyone, every moment, and in every way. I realized, that the circumstances that had been bothering me, had come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

Interestingly, all the frustration, again, showed itself in my dreams.

One dream went on and on in a hotel room. I was trying and trying to find my room, only being met by one obstacle after another. The people that I thought were there to help me, became my worst hindrance. The worse it got, they finally told me there was no escape. I just wanted to get out of there. I felt I had been put in my own private hell.

The second dream had me on an island somewhere in Asia. I was an EMT of all things. The government kept wanting more and more money for me to work, but I was never given work. I wanted to leave, to head home, but again, there was no escape.

It was so obvious what I had been feeling. A feeling of hopelessness, of imprisonment, of finding no hope, no solutions to my circumstances. And with that feeling, came the anger and frustration, and again, I was taking that anger out on those around me.

It took me some time to recognize the problem, but the recognition, gave me the chance to move on. This time around, I knew I couldn't just smooth over the edges of my circumstances.  I had to confront them and find solutions to them. Otherwise, I'd be back to where I was, depressed, frustrated, angry, and unhappy.

Sometimes, our circumstances put us in a place where we seem imprisoned, and hopeless, and unhappy.
I know from my Christian background, that, that's the time I have to give it to God.

My personality is one that I feel I have to do it all, I have to solve the problem, I have to get myself out of the mess. But I've learned, I can't do it all. So I put it in God's hands.

Sometimes, it just takes stepping back for a moment, and letting God give us the whole picture, whether by what we feel, or sometimes.....with a dream.

We step back....we let go....we learn....and we let God do what He does best......


and the Journey Continues......