When a family goes through trials, it changes things. The feelings, the memories, all seem to take their toll on us. As time tries to cover us with a soothing balm, we still have moments where the wounds feel raw and fresh. So I write to find a way of letting go, of accepting what was, and looking toward the future with new hope and anticipation of the plans that were and will be again.
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The last few years I spent with you
Were nothing like I planned, we planned
The golden years were supposed to be kind
The highlight of a life filled with so much wonder
But it didn't happen that way
They seemed more like the angry years
Filled with heartache and pain
Dependencies and co-dependencies
Used to cover up the unhappiness
To ease the physical ailments
We were supposed to get along
You wanted to be at home and be content
To be as strong and young as you thought you were
Not expecting so much physical problems
Spending your last years in a room, that wasn't home
The phone calls, the visits, all so strained
Not understanding the why's and why not's
Not seeing things the way they were
But feeling betwayed, held captive
Dreams and hopes stolen
Trying to keep life going
Trying to smooth the pain
Dealing with so much family
So selfish and destructive at times
Nothing like I planned, we planned
The last few years took it's toll
On you, on us, on so many
A family that lost it's way
Forgetting what was supposed to be
Only seeing what was not
The pain stills shows it's face at times
Even though you're gone
The actions and reactions of those years
Changed us all, took away so much
Only showing glimpses of joy
We were supposed to enjoy those years
A family, full of hope, and happiness, and love
But that life never revealed itself
What should have been, was stolen away
Leaving only regrets and scars
As hard as it was, I have to remember
It was and is in God's hands
I have to let go of the regrets and scars
And even though it was nothing like I planned, we planned
I have to rely on my faith
The sadness still creeps in at times
The why's and why not's
Time to let go
To take what was learned
And live again, the way it was planned
2 comments:
I have some of those same feelings Wynn - for me it was unfinished business with one family member, chances now lost forever with their passing and always questioning my choices and decisions regarding the care of the others. It really is pointless - trying to rethink the past, but I guess we can't help ourselves. I'm working hard now on knowing that I did the best I could with what I had and letting it all go. Hoping you find your peace as well. Hugs -
Thanks Shannon. It is a work in progress of letting go when some of the scars are so deep. We would think that no one should have to go through that much, but we do. I'm still working on letting go and letting God......
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