Greener Grass

We've all gone through a time in our lives, when we have our eye on the grass on the other side of the fence. It seems so much greener, thicker, and well kept. We look at what we have and long for what we don't. We want the experience of running our bare feet through the richness of the field, to roll and play and lay in all of it's glory.

As we gaze on it's beauty, we realize two things.

First, there is a fence in the way. That fence can be a barrier made of circumstances, or fear, or both.
To leave the comfortable...but somewhat unhappy place....and climb the fence to a new beginning, can seem as big as climbing a mountain filled with unreachable cliffs.

If you're like me, it seems like I have to have all my P's and Q's in order before I can even think about attempting such a feat. I have to have all the answers, to all this questions I might face, before I can proceed. My circumstances, as well as my fear of letting go and starting the climb, seem almost too much to fathom.

Second, before we take that leap of faith, we have to take time to get a better look at what's on the other side of the fence. When we take a deeper look, we might realize that as most fields, the grass is not as green as we thought. It may be filled with unknown thistles, and weeds, and holes.

For some of us, there is no hesitation to leap over the fence, start a new journey in this life, and face all the ups and downs with a renewed energy and joy.

For some of us, the fear of the unknown, brings us to our knees, as we try to sort it all out. People living outside of our box, see our circumstances and know that there is so much need for a change. They can't understand why we have any hesitation.

So we find ourselves being the one who says, lets just do it, or the one who says, let me make sure everything will turn out right before we do.

I envy the ones who can take a leap of faith, meeting the challenge head on, and facing each twist in the road as it comes. Unfortunately, my mind is one that see's all the.....what ifs....can I make it if things don't work out....do I really want to put myself in a place of uncertainty.

Being of that mind set, I've learned that you can get stuck in a rut, for a long, long time. You can go through so many years of feeling that life has lost his zeal, it's joy, it's meaning. I know that being sensible is a good thing, as can throwing it up into the wind and enjoying the experience.

I guess, finding that balance, can be the hard part. Not being too analytical, but at the same time, not being too carefree, remembering that every action has a reaction. Learning to balance our head, and our heart.

As you can probably tell by now, I'm going through one of those circumstances, seeing my field, tattered and worn, filled with weeds, and thistles, and holes. It's a field of certainty, but also a place that's complacent, stagnate, and lifeless. I have to decide if I can meet the challenge of a new field, to make a decision for me for a change, even if it hurts some of those around me who have given their support and love, but have also given me a lot of that grief and frustration. It's a decision that could bring new joy and purpose....or circumstances that I could live to regret, if things don't work out. My analytical mind and my heart become a tug of war, not realizing that they both can meet half way, which again brings me to my knees.

So, is the Greener Grass, worth the challenges that it may hold......

I guess the answer.....will be......to be continued.........


as my Journey Continues.........

Thanks And Giving

It's the season of the year, when we spend more time with family, eat way too much, and nap a lot as well. It seems like it gets here faster and faster, and becomes more of a dreaded time, than a time of Thanksgiving.

Some of us go through the motions of it being just another day, maybe because of where their life has taken them.

Some, take a few days ahead of Thanksgiving to start counting their blessings, one by one, giving thanks to God for all the wonders of His Love.

Sitting here this morning, it occurred to me that the word, Thanksgiving, is actually two words.

Thanks............and Giving........

Giving Thanks to the God who blesses us....
Giving Thanks for the life we experience every day....
Giving Thanks for family and friends and so many others that make our lives complete....

But......maybe.....we could focus on the .....Thanks.....and Giving........

Taking time to thank the people around us for the little things they do every day to make life more beautiful.
Thanking the store clerk, when she makes an extra effort to help. Thanking the guy who holds the door open for you, as you walk in the office.  These things may seem a bit trivial, but I think in our day and time, so many of us have forgotten how to show courtesy, respect, and yep, thanks.

Some of us have learned the gift of giving, but usually only show it by helping at the mission on Thanksgiving day, or by giving gifts around Christmas time.

Giving, is sharing a part of our heart, who we are, who we are perceived to be. Giving part of our heart, our time, our talent, our wealth..... spontaneously, freely, unselfishly, and unexpectedly, to those we meet every day, is true giving. Whether it's family, friends, neighbors, or people we meet on the street, giving can change lives.

Sooooo....just some simple thoughts that have the ability to make a world of difference.

Turning Thanksgiving into a time of

Thanks..........and Giving.......


and the Journey continues.......

Slipping Into Anger

I've sat down in front of the computer several times the last couple of weeks and written several blogs....but never hit the publish button. I had some great words to say to congressman Boehner as to how fed up I was with his politics as usual. I wrote another blog about circumstances and how can we really change them....makes things right.

But as I wrote each blog, I noticed a lot of anger slipping back into my writing.

The last few weeks, I've been able to let go of a lot of the anger I had kept inside, from the last few years of craziness.  It felt good.....actually....it felt great. I was finally letting go and finding a small amount of peace again.

Then, circumstances started changing, putting me back to a place I hadn't been in a while. I realized that a lot of the circumstances that I thought I had resolved, had only been smoothed over. The last few days, those smooth edges began to get ruffled again. The anger was back. I could see it in my blogs, in my words, in the way I had been treating others, in all of it's ugly glory, and I didn't like what I was seeing.

Yesterday, it reached its peak.  My ears were ringing off the wall, the knots in my back were pulsating, and my anger was lashing out at everyone, every moment, and in every way. I realized, that the circumstances that had been bothering me, had come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

Interestingly, all the frustration, again, showed itself in my dreams.

One dream went on and on in a hotel room. I was trying and trying to find my room, only being met by one obstacle after another. The people that I thought were there to help me, became my worst hindrance. The worse it got, they finally told me there was no escape. I just wanted to get out of there. I felt I had been put in my own private hell.

The second dream had me on an island somewhere in Asia. I was an EMT of all things. The government kept wanting more and more money for me to work, but I was never given work. I wanted to leave, to head home, but again, there was no escape.

It was so obvious what I had been feeling. A feeling of hopelessness, of imprisonment, of finding no hope, no solutions to my circumstances. And with that feeling, came the anger and frustration, and again, I was taking that anger out on those around me.

It took me some time to recognize the problem, but the recognition, gave me the chance to move on. This time around, I knew I couldn't just smooth over the edges of my circumstances.  I had to confront them and find solutions to them. Otherwise, I'd be back to where I was, depressed, frustrated, angry, and unhappy.

Sometimes, our circumstances put us in a place where we seem imprisoned, and hopeless, and unhappy.
I know from my Christian background, that, that's the time I have to give it to God.

My personality is one that I feel I have to do it all, I have to solve the problem, I have to get myself out of the mess. But I've learned, I can't do it all. So I put it in God's hands.

Sometimes, it just takes stepping back for a moment, and letting God give us the whole picture, whether by what we feel, or sometimes.....with a dream.

We step back....we let go....we learn....and we let God do what He does best......


and the Journey Continues......

My Political View

Disclaimer:  This is my Journey and My Thoughts. I don't expect you to agree but I do ask that you respect my beliefs for me, as I will for you.


With so much politics in the country today, I took a look back at the evolution of my political beliefs and found them to be..... well........

I was raised in a small town in Texas with the political view of my parents, as did so many in my small town. It was easy to vote because it was a click on the ballet to vote for all on the Republican party. It didn't take me long to rethink that and realize that I liked what was represented by some members of both parties. So, yep, I became an Independent.  I voted for quite a while as an Independent voter, looking at both sides, trying to see their good points and their bad points, with a prayer. I realized they were human. Humans aren't perfect, they make mistakes and bad decisions. But you can usually tell where their heart and humanity are, by the tone of their voice, the look in their eyes and their struggle to make things right.

There was a time, when I became really disillusioned by the Democratic party. I started to see their grasp for power, their pride and purpose, getting in the way of what was right for the people. But then, I saw a Democratic President elected. Someone I felt really had a heart for the people, wanting to make our country a better place. It didn't matter if the President tried to make things better, it was all in vain as it has been so many times. The Republicans fought tooth and nail to fight everything he proposed. When our country was struggling the most, they cared more about their politics, than trying to work to make things better. Then the ugliness of the Democrats, began to spread like wildfires to the Republican party. The continued grasp for power, the continued political games, the continued actions of what we want as a party and not what's the best for the people, grew like a black cancerous mass, covering our entire country. In it, the people became filled with hate, ugliness, and hopelessness. I became so disillusioned with the whole political game, I lost all faith in our government, our politicians, our leaders. I saw every man or woman running for office, spewing out hatred and lies, or only what they thought people wanted to hear to get votes.

So.....I became.....unpolitical.........

Even though our political system reeks with  havoc, I know it's all we've got right now. Will it ever get better, probably not. Will the anger and hatred go away, probably not. Will the fake smiles and grasp for power go away, probably not. Will one party ever try to work with the other party or the other parties President, probably not. Will the people of our country start looking deeper inside what the Presidential candidates and congressional candidates are really saying, not what's being spewed across the airways, full of lies and hate and deceit, probably not. Will we ever get it right, probably not.........

But we can hope, and we can pray, and we can do our part to make this country a better place. But.....
...We.......have to make the change.  We have to look in our hearts and find what lies deep beneath. Is it hatred, anger, pride, or is it love for humanity or the desire for peace and hope. So many of us call ourselves Christians, but what we say, or do, or write when it comes to politics, or life in general, has a way of showing our true nature, our true heart.

I make the statement, a lot, BE WHO YOU WISH THE WORLD WOULD BE. By our actions, and words, and deeds, are we making a difference for a Better World, or, are we trying to send the world to hell in a hand basket. Are we hanging on to anger, the hatred, or, are we letting it go, and making everyday a gift, by filling it with words of hope, and joy, and love.

I've seen the bad side of humanity show it's face way too much lately. But in the midst of all the corruption, and darkness, I see a light crack through the surface. I pray that those of us who spread that light, will grow stronger and brighter. And those who don't, will grow tired of the games, and the hopelessness, and the anger, and try to work together to make the world.....OUR WORLD....the best it can be.......


and the Journey Continues.........

The Return Of My Passion

I'm amazed at how much I missed the feel, the touch of a piano. Sure my keyboard is great for creating, expanding my horizons, and putting my music into print. But the piano......that's where my Passion flows.

For years I would sit at the piano and play for hours and hours, whether it was beating out my frustrations, or searching deep in to my heart and soul and letting all that I had within me flow through the keys, full of emotion, and yes, Passion.

I knew I had been missing something in my day to day routine. The expression, the release, the joy, all kept inside, wanting to get out, but with no outlet to be found. So that, what was kept inside, turned into anger, frustration, and depression.

I'm amazed that with the simple addition to a piano in my life again, within one day, there has been a change for the better. The warmth that surrounds me, the peace of mind, the quiet joy, and so much more has been renewed. This may be a puzzling statement to most people, but for us of the melody, the makers of music.....we find our peace.

So I expect and look forward to brighter days ahead as I begin to play, express, release and discover my Passion, all over again.


and the Journey Continues......

I Had A Dream

Funny.....it seems like I've written about this before....but maybe....it was just a dream....hehehe.


It's interesting how our subconscious seems to work overtime when we dream. Our dreams reflect our day in ways that we never quite comprehended, shedding new light on the road we travel.

I could go on and on about some of the dreams I've had and yep....some of them have been doozies.....
but a couple of nights ago, while traveling from Texas, I had a very revealing dream.

I was in a town full of unfamiliar places. As I went from place to place, I caught myself, fluttering, so to speak from one interest to another. As I experienced each moment, I found that they lacked meaning.....fulfillment....satisfaction....life......
I found I was just going through the motions.

I entered a building where they were setting up a stage area and I was asked to sing something for a sound check. It's amazing how much better I sing in my dreams.
I was singing a heartfelt ballad, full of emotion....passion....heart....and life. The crowd drew quiet, intense, and totally absorbed in the moment. Tears begin to fall as all were totally caught up in the experience.

As I woke up, I was deeply moved as well. It was amazing how my subconscious mind was showing me in a unique way, what fulfilled my life the most.

My Music.....and the ability to touch a heart.

Not because of my vocal abilities, but my passion to share my heart.....my life.
Maybe that sounds a little strange, but in the process of doing a lot of soul searching lately, I've discovered the need  to  re energize my spirit, to refocus my goals, and oddly enough, my dream revealed what my mind already knew, but seemed to have forgotten. To share my heart through music is my joy.

I am continuously amazed at the human mind and will continue to be amazed at what my subconscious reveals to me in the dark hours of the night. Who knows, maybe it's not so much my subconscious, but God whispering gently, enlightening my road and guiding my way.......


and the Journey Continues......

Heading To Texas

I'm heading to Texas for a few days so I won't be around for a while. Hope you have a great couple of weeks and I'll catch up with you when I get back...........