More Than Just Words

Looking back over my old blog post, has been a bit intriguing for me, as my forte for writing, has always been in music.

Encouraged by a therapist friend, as a way of expressing the ups and downs of my past few years, and inspired by the writing style of  my friend, Lin Ross, http://lmross-moanerplicities.blogspot.com/, writing this blog, has truly been an interesting process.

Some of my entries have stemmed from the pain and frustration of the moment. Some from the joy that was sparked by the simplest of things. Some were my outcries of the injustices of the world and the sadness of the evolution of our humanity. Most came from a simple thought that I was able to express in just a few minutes of writing.

I've always tried to write from my heart, not my head. I found that when my head gets involved, things start sounding a bit cliche. Sharing from my heart tends to open up some old wounds at times, bringing out more of my past, and feelings, and experiences, than I am comfortable with, but all these things are part of my journey. We experience, we learn, we forget and learn again, we grow and backslide, and start a new day, all part of that process that makes us who we are. We learn life lessons through our experiences. It's what we do with these lessons that make us a better person, or not. Make us a better example to the people around us, or not. Enable us to reach out with hope and inspiration, life and joy, passion and compassion.....or not.

I hope that as I write here, it's More Than Just Words. As I find resolution in my life, it can help others going through the same process. As I am inspired by the little things, the uniqueness of the world, it can inspire others to see the world around us as such a special place. As I learn and grow from the bumps in the road, it can shed some light for others, and smooth their path ahead.

My writing, just like my life....is far from perfect, but by recognizing that, it gives me hope. As long as we see areas that need improvement......and there seem to be a lot of them.....we've got a direction, a goal, a purpose in our life. Our choices, from that moment, will make us a better person, or not. Make us an inspiration to others, or not. Give us a life full of happiness, joy and contentment, or not.

My hope is that my life, as my words, are more than just sounding brass and tinkling cymbals. That my actions speak louder than my words. That those around me can see and know that who I am, is............More Than Just Words........


and the Journey Continues.......

The Music Of My Soul

In time of trials and troubles, most people who were raised in the church go to the scriptures for comfort. With each bump in the road, a scripture comes to mind to give that peace, that hope, that strength.

For me.......comes a song......

When turmoil comes, Rich Mullins words come.....

"You have been my King of Glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace"

"We are not as strong as we think we are"

And the Hymns we grew up on......

"There is a place of quiet rest, near to the Heart of God
A place where sin cannot molest, near to the Heart of God
Oh Jesus blessed Redeemer, sent from the Heart of God
Hold us who wait before Thee, Near to the Heart of God"

and

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer
Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer"

and the song, sung by Russ Taff

"When your up against a struggle, that shatteres all your dreams
And your hopes have been cruely crushed by Satan's manifested schemes
And you feel the urge within you to summit to earthly fears
Don' let the faith your standing in, seem to disappear

Praise the Lord, He can work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord.....
For the chains that seem to bind you, serve only to remind you
That they drop powerless behind you 
When you praise.....Him"

So the Music of My Soul, music written through the ages about...........

Our God, Our Savior, Our Friend, Our Hope, Our Peace, Our Rest, Our Strength.....

Gives me solace to stand tall, fight the good fight and enjoy the hope of another day.....


and the Journey Continues.......

Nothingness

Sometimes I sit down and want to write something......but there's just nothing, an empty slate, a brain freeze.

Then I realize, this is a good thing. The peace, the noise turned off, that quiet place that I can call my own. My mind is usually running from one thing to another and sometimes, they collide in mid flight. I catch myself trying to get everything  done at once, all at the same time..... until the energy runs out. I guess I forget that I'm not 25 anymore, and going too fast, usually ends up with bumps and bruises, because I'm not paying attention to my surroundings.

So as I sit here in front of a blank screen and find that Nothingness, that's OK. I can actually laugh about it and enjoy it because it happens so rarely.

Life is a great experience and when we can find those moments where everything just stops.....we should say.......WOW......how special. It reminds us that we clutter up our lives with so much to do, so much junk, so much of what seems so important, that we forget about the meaning of life.......TO LIVE.

To live with a passion, to enjoy each moment, good or bad....yep....all part of the journey....just LIVE.

So I sit here with not much to say, but I'm savoring the moment, enjoying the peace and quiet and celebrating the Nothingness.......


and the Journey Continues......

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

Today has been a time of reminiscing, a time of looking back at achievements and failures, incredible opportunities and really bad choices.

So many adventures were far beyond my dreams.....

Singing at Amy Grants house, with the likes of Michael W. Smith, Paul Overstreet, Nichole, and several other Christian artist.
Working for top Christian Music Companies such as Benson and Diadem and getting to meet so many Christian artist there, as well.

Having the chance to write several Christmas musicals for my church back home, wedding songs for several friends, Praise and Worship songs in Amarillo and Christian Rock songs while singing with the Group, Lazarus, in Amarillo. I've been published and made it to the the Christian chart list.

I've been able to travel, seeing so many places I've only dreamed of. I've been blessed in so many ways.....

But.....I gone through what felt like the gates of hell as well........

So many unexpected problems in dealing with life, and family, and friends, taking my stress level farther than I could ever have imagined, Dealing with cancer and depression, the pain and the hopelessness. So many choices that were, REALLY BAD CHOICES and facing the consequences of each one of them.

But as I was reminiscing, I realized how easy it is to live in the past. How complacent we can become with our previous success, and belabored by the rough times and mistakes.

This was not a time for me look for praise or pity, for sympathy or a pat on the back. This was a time for me to realize how blessed I've been for the good things, and how strong I've become for the trials of life.
But, as the song by Cher says, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME.

As we are blessed with each Breath that God gives us, there is so much more to do, to conquer, to create, to change. We have to live for Right Now, and at the same time, Look To The Future with hope, life, joy and love. We have to learn that we can't live off of our past achievements and bad choices forever. As Oral Roberts would say so many times.....

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Even though we are getting up in our years, by the Grace of God.........

We Are Just Getting Started........


and the Journey Continues.......

Spinning Out Of Control

This entry is a bit different for me.....actually....really different.  It stemmed from a friends conversations.......


Spinning Out Of Control........

The called her a crack whore. They new that all they had to do was to give her a call, or flag her down from the street, and she was theirs.

She wasn't one with an addictive behavior, at least not for drugs or booze. Her addiction was the need to be with a strong man, one that would make her laugh, that would make her feel like she was worth something. In all her beauty and sweetness of spirit, she felt the need for something more.

She wasn't living on the streets, but she was drawn to them. Her will power and moral judgement was thrown out the window as she longed to fill the emptiness in her soul.

She would continue to say no to her desires, but they always popped up at her weakest moments. After a cocktail or two with friends, she headed back to, that part of town, knowing she shouldn't, but longing to feel something that wasn't there.

She always tried to keep a level head about money, not over spend on her desires, not give in completely to the high and the lust, but she was rarely successful.

She was a lady of reputation and class. To the world around her, she was the blessed one. One who could succeed at anything. But her secret side, always led her to the streets, searching for her worth, but only finding a brief moment of satisfaction.

Her desires stopped for a while as she met a good man, one who loved her, took care of her, was there for her in every way....except for the intimacy that she craved for. It didn't take long for the dark desires to overtake her once more.

She cried out to God for hope and help, longing to give up her addiction. But with one breath came a prayer, and with the next, came the desire.

We talked about her relationship with God, about letting Him deeper into her life. Her head and her heart knew the answers, but she couldn't get her desires out of her mind. Every day she would wake up, thinking, today is the day. No more will she give in to her desires, no more will she waste the money knowing it's price would still leave her empty.

She struggled.....and struggles, so tired of her life, only seeing the defeat, the dishonesty, the cheating. She knows God is the answer, but her struggles continue. She prays that it doesn't take her to the bottom of the barrel before she finally sees the light. She knows she's a good person and can offer so much, if she can only let go....let God....let Love find it's way into her heart.......

So we lift her up in prayer, we ask God to give her strength, and hope, and a new feeling of worth. We pray for that new life for her....free....happy......and loved......

As her Journey Continues.......

Who I Am

Listening to the radio, again this week, the lyrics of a song seemed to jump out at me.

"What You Are Going Through, Is Not Who You Are"

That thought really hit home for me. So many times I've defined who I am, by just exactly that, what I am growing through. Whether it was the struggles of family, the pain of depression, the triumphs or battle scars, or the woes of the world weighing too heavy on my shoulders.

Sure, we learn from these moments. How we react to them can reveal our strengths and weaknesses, our moral outlook and our character. But to realize that, this is NOT who I am, but just the hills and valleys of my journey of life, was an eye opener.

Thinking on these thoughts, I looked out the window at a weeping willow tree in my yard. Last year, during one of my trips to Texas, a severe storm came through Nashville and broke the top half of the willow completely off. Looking at it today, it has spouted out huge and beautiful limbs from the center, growing stronger and more magnificent than before. The willow was strong, and from it's strength, it conquered the storm. If it had been a weaker tree, it would have perished.

So Who Am I......

I am a man of my word . I have my moments of weakness, but because of my faith, I can rely on God to help me through those struggles. I'm far from perfect, far from being the best example to live by at times, but I continue to be the best that I can be. I've found that through my times of adversity, I am a much stronger person than I could have ever imagined. I am way too compassionate at times and have learned that, that compassion can be both a blessing and a curse. I have a passion for life, but because of my struggles, I have allowed that passion to be overcast at times. I've been blessed with creative gifts, too many times they've been put on the back burner, but they are my comfort and joy. I am one that no longer has to live my with the approval of others....yep....this is my life. I can take their counsel, but can be led by my morals, my judgement, Gods leadership and good old common sense.

This is just part of Who I Am.......but.....I now realize that my struggles and triumphs do not define me. They can mold my character, become a part my outlook, but they do not have to dictate who I am. My inner being, my heart, my spirit, my soul, define who I am.

This may sound a bit strange coming from me.  I'm one that usually doesn't like to use the I or Me words. I'm more for writing about the journey itself, life lessons learned, the good and the bad around  us.
But this was such a ray of sunshine for me, it needed to be put down in words.

So again, I leave you with this thought.......

"What You Are Going Through, Is Not Who You Are"


and the Journey Continues.......

The Gift Of Another Year

As my birthday comes around and I reach the ripe old age of 58, I look back to a few years ago when I never thought I would see 58, or 50, or 45...........

With the diagnosis of cancer, the words, that I have 6 months to a year to live, came as well. So what did I do......I went back to work and finished my day.

With an out pouring of prayers, cards, phone calls and love, and getting my attitude right, life just seemed to look up. At church, my preacher prayed for peace which came immediately. At work, having one of the most stressful jobs there, I just let it go and in one day, the stress was gone. As I went through the chemo and radiation, I grew tired, lost my hair, had mouth sores, colon and kidney problems and felt like......well....you know, but I endured.

Surprisingly, I never saw myself....... DEAD.......
A friend of mine at work said the same thing.
I watched others battling with the same cancer I had, giving up, fading away and yes.... dying, the same fate my doctors expected from me.

But I'm Here.....

So I thank God for this Birthday, just as I have the past few Birthdays, knowing that He is My Healer, He is My Strength, He is My Hope.......

My road is not and has not been an easy one, as my body continues to fight the battle. With some of the struggles over the past few years, it's been hard keeping my attitude in a good place. With the burdens of family, life struggles, the pain in my body and depression kicking in, there have been times that I've just wanted to give up......

But God Never Gave Up On Me......

So........Thank You God for Another Year......

I will continue to follow in your light, finding my hope in you, feeling your arms of love and warmth around me and continue letting you use me.......For You........to make this world a better place, now, and in the years I have to come......


and the Journey Continues.....