You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

Today has been a time of reminiscing, a time of looking back at achievements and failures, incredible opportunities and really bad choices.

So many adventures were far beyond my dreams.....

Singing at Amy Grants house, with the likes of Michael W. Smith, Paul Overstreet, Nichole, and several other Christian artist.
Working for top Christian Music Companies such as Benson and Diadem and getting to meet so many Christian artist there, as well.

Having the chance to write several Christmas musicals for my church back home, wedding songs for several friends, Praise and Worship songs in Amarillo and Christian Rock songs while singing with the Group, Lazarus, in Amarillo. I've been published and made it to the the Christian chart list.

I've been able to travel, seeing so many places I've only dreamed of. I've been blessed in so many ways.....

But.....I gone through what felt like the gates of hell as well........

So many unexpected problems in dealing with life, and family, and friends, taking my stress level farther than I could ever have imagined, Dealing with cancer and depression, the pain and the hopelessness. So many choices that were, REALLY BAD CHOICES and facing the consequences of each one of them.

But as I was reminiscing, I realized how easy it is to live in the past. How complacent we can become with our previous success, and belabored by the rough times and mistakes.

This was not a time for me look for praise or pity, for sympathy or a pat on the back. This was a time for me to realize how blessed I've been for the good things, and how strong I've become for the trials of life.
But, as the song by Cher says, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME.

As we are blessed with each Breath that God gives us, there is so much more to do, to conquer, to create, to change. We have to live for Right Now, and at the same time, Look To The Future with hope, life, joy and love. We have to learn that we can't live off of our past achievements and bad choices forever. As Oral Roberts would say so many times.....

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Even though we are getting up in our years, by the Grace of God.........

We Are Just Getting Started........


and the Journey Continues.......

Spinning Out Of Control

This entry is a bit different for me.....actually....really different.  It stemmed from a friends conversations.......


Spinning Out Of Control........

The called her a crack whore. They new that all they had to do was to give her a call, or flag her down from the street, and she was theirs.

She wasn't one with an addictive behavior, at least not for drugs or booze. Her addiction was the need to be with a strong man, one that would make her laugh, that would make her feel like she was worth something. In all her beauty and sweetness of spirit, she felt the need for something more.

She wasn't living on the streets, but she was drawn to them. Her will power and moral judgement was thrown out the window as she longed to fill the emptiness in her soul.

She would continue to say no to her desires, but they always popped up at her weakest moments. After a cocktail or two with friends, she headed back to, that part of town, knowing she shouldn't, but longing to feel something that wasn't there.

She always tried to keep a level head about money, not over spend on her desires, not give in completely to the high and the lust, but she was rarely successful.

She was a lady of reputation and class. To the world around her, she was the blessed one. One who could succeed at anything. But her secret side, always led her to the streets, searching for her worth, but only finding a brief moment of satisfaction.

Her desires stopped for a while as she met a good man, one who loved her, took care of her, was there for her in every way....except for the intimacy that she craved for. It didn't take long for the dark desires to overtake her once more.

She cried out to God for hope and help, longing to give up her addiction. But with one breath came a prayer, and with the next, came the desire.

We talked about her relationship with God, about letting Him deeper into her life. Her head and her heart knew the answers, but she couldn't get her desires out of her mind. Every day she would wake up, thinking, today is the day. No more will she give in to her desires, no more will she waste the money knowing it's price would still leave her empty.

She struggled.....and struggles, so tired of her life, only seeing the defeat, the dishonesty, the cheating. She knows God is the answer, but her struggles continue. She prays that it doesn't take her to the bottom of the barrel before she finally sees the light. She knows she's a good person and can offer so much, if she can only let go....let God....let Love find it's way into her heart.......

So we lift her up in prayer, we ask God to give her strength, and hope, and a new feeling of worth. We pray for that new life for her....free....happy......and loved......

As her Journey Continues.......

Who I Am

Listening to the radio, again this week, the lyrics of a song seemed to jump out at me.

"What You Are Going Through, Is Not Who You Are"

That thought really hit home for me. So many times I've defined who I am, by just exactly that, what I am growing through. Whether it was the struggles of family, the pain of depression, the triumphs or battle scars, or the woes of the world weighing too heavy on my shoulders.

Sure, we learn from these moments. How we react to them can reveal our strengths and weaknesses, our moral outlook and our character. But to realize that, this is NOT who I am, but just the hills and valleys of my journey of life, was an eye opener.

Thinking on these thoughts, I looked out the window at a weeping willow tree in my yard. Last year, during one of my trips to Texas, a severe storm came through Nashville and broke the top half of the willow completely off. Looking at it today, it has spouted out huge and beautiful limbs from the center, growing stronger and more magnificent than before. The willow was strong, and from it's strength, it conquered the storm. If it had been a weaker tree, it would have perished.

So Who Am I......

I am a man of my word . I have my moments of weakness, but because of my faith, I can rely on God to help me through those struggles. I'm far from perfect, far from being the best example to live by at times, but I continue to be the best that I can be. I've found that through my times of adversity, I am a much stronger person than I could have ever imagined. I am way too compassionate at times and have learned that, that compassion can be both a blessing and a curse. I have a passion for life, but because of my struggles, I have allowed that passion to be overcast at times. I've been blessed with creative gifts, too many times they've been put on the back burner, but they are my comfort and joy. I am one that no longer has to live my with the approval of others....yep....this is my life. I can take their counsel, but can be led by my morals, my judgement, Gods leadership and good old common sense.

This is just part of Who I Am.......but.....I now realize that my struggles and triumphs do not define me. They can mold my character, become a part my outlook, but they do not have to dictate who I am. My inner being, my heart, my spirit, my soul, define who I am.

This may sound a bit strange coming from me.  I'm one that usually doesn't like to use the I or Me words. I'm more for writing about the journey itself, life lessons learned, the good and the bad around  us.
But this was such a ray of sunshine for me, it needed to be put down in words.

So again, I leave you with this thought.......

"What You Are Going Through, Is Not Who You Are"


and the Journey Continues.......