Friday, March 13, 2015

Mama and Her Makeup

When my Mom and Dad passed, I was the one left to make the decisions about their final arrangements. Most of the decisions were easy, but one that really sounded simple, was the most difficult for me.

When my Mom passed, the funeral home called me in to make sure I approved of the way she looked. With my first glance, I thought she looked good, considering she had lost so much weight. I walked away thinking she looked peaceful but as I came back to look, I realized there was something missing. She didn't quite look like Mama.

As long as I can remember, Mama never left the house without her makeup on. She always had a slightly purple tint of eye shadow as well as lipstick. As she got older, she would put her makeup on first thing in the morning, Even when she was in the nursing home, she would never leave her room till she applied her makeup and always had that small tint of purple on her eyes.

As I thought about this at the funeral home, I realized that's what was missing. I explained this to the worker there and they applied the makeup. Surprisingly, this decision was the most troubling to me. Did I or did I not make the right decision. This simple decision has caused me the most worry since then.

This was the one decision I really wish there would have been someone to help me with. I've told myself it was the decision that I thought was best at the time. I've told myself that it's done and long gone.

It's interesting that some of the simplest things have a way of causing the most regret. I've been looking at some of my regrets lately, trying to get a deeper insight as to why I have hung on to them for so long. Taking a look at this today, I made a judgement call at the time from Mama's life, from her daily routine, from what she thought was important.

So today I've finally let go of this regret. No more if''s, and's, but's or more. I hope maybe through this process I can slowly let go and be at peace with more regrets of what was done and decisions I've made through years. No more pondering on things that don't matter as much and decisions that were made a long time ago, a process that will hopefully put that long lost smile on my face once more.

and the Journey Continues.....

Wednesday, March 4, 2015


I'm probably one of the worst for hanging on to regrets. I know all of the words of wisdom and advice for letting them go, so I can proceed ahead with a more joyful and brighter future, but I don't.

I hang on to decisions. Those I had to make when there was no one to ask for help. I regret the little things, the decisions, the why didn't I do this or that. I know it's too late to change any of these decisions but I still seem to hang on to them,

Recently I've thought about making a list of all the regrets I hold on to. Then I can make a conscientious mind set that all of these things are in the past and can't be changed. I've thought about taking that list and burning it as a symbol that nothing more can be done to change the outcome.

I'm not sure why I cling to them. Sometimes I think that some people have this built into their personality and characteristics. That having a mind that's logical and calculated and a bit of a perfectionist makes it harder to let go. Even with all of the knowledge of knowing what's right, a bit of worry and regret seems to hang in there.

As the song says, "Let I Go, Let It Go" or the words "Let Go and Let God" makes perfect sense for some, for others it's easier to say than to put into action. Unless you have this type of personality, you may not be able to comprehend what we go through.

So what do I do? I continually to try to change my mindset. Maybe burning the list will work, maybe not, but I have to keep trying. I know it's holding me back from some of the joy I seek, Somehow or some way I have to find a way to just do it. Maybe one day it will just click but today I will continue try to change by making an effort to stop when my mind goes to my valley of regrets.

and the Journey Continues.....