Friday, October 22, 2010

Celebration of LIfe

During the last few months I've been working on my Mom's funeral service.  No, she hasn't passed yet but it won't be long.  I've been given a chance to spend some great times with her as well as spend time working on a memorial service for her that she would be honored by.

During the same time I've started reworking my on service.  Yep...I know...maybe a little morbid....but the perfectionist that I tend to be at times, I wanted it to be Done Right.  I had planned a service years ago but ended up using most of the music I picked out for my Parents Memorial Services and the service planned was a little more Somber.

All that has changed.  I've decided my service should be a

Celebration of Life
Celebration of Life With God
Celebration of God

Again I add that not all who read this have the same beliefs of God as I do...but it's what I believe.  I want my Memorial service to be a time of Celebrating the Life We Have and Have Been Given.

I have a feeling those who attend my service may be a bit surprised at the music played before and during the celebration......maybe a bit blown away....but that's a good thing.  We need to be taken out of our comfort zone at times to experience all that this world and this life has to give us. My new play list (no longer on my page) has a few of those songs that I've picked so the Prelude to My Life has become a Celebration. If I were alive during this service, I would want to come early just to enjoy the incredible music that will be played.

Soooooo....even in the crazy times of life, the sad times, the frustrating times, the confusing times, the depressing times as well as the good times.....

Lets Celebrate This Life We've Been Given

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

When Will I Rest

I lay here tossing and turning, tossing and turning, wide a wake, tossing and turning. I close my eyes only to have my mind opened up with all the sadness, all the frustration, all the anger, all of the events of the day rushing through my head. When will it stop, when will I find rest, when will I find peace.........

When Will I Rest.

So many times I've had to shut off my mind, shut off my emotions, shut off my life to be the comforter, to be the peacemaker, to be the one in charge. The day has lingered and my body, my mind and yes my spirit are worn out..........

When Will I Rest.

I've dealt too long with the insanity of others, the anger of others, the sadness of others and yes, the selfishness of others. The walls that I have tried so hard to tear down around my heart, the cold hard bricks that shut out the world and shut me in seems to have been in vein. The more I try to tear down, the more others come to replace them...........

When Will I Rest.

They need me now, they need me to help them through their sadness, their insanity, their pain, their anger, their Journey. They need so much, they need so much. Their need will stop one day, a sad day, a mournful day. They will rest, they will find peace, they will start a new Journey.........

When Will I Rest.

Others seem to rise up to take their place, to need, to find comfort, to find peace and fight me all the way on their journey because of their anger, their insanity, their frustration. They struggle, they cry for help, they look for answers, they look for peace, they look for rest..........

When Will I Rest.

I should lay back down, close my eyes and see if the peace comes, the rest comes, the sleep comes. I should let go of this day of anger, of pain, of insanity and sadness. I should try to let go, to rest, to sleep for tomorrow the Journey continues.

When Will I Rest.

When Will I Rest...................

Saturday, October 2, 2010


As I write tonight, I write with mixed emotions.  I'll be heading home in a couple of days to spend what may be the last days of my Mom's life.  The last year has been a ride and one I told myself I would stay away from on here....but here I am.....writing.

My Dad passed from pancreatic cancer a year ago, September 23, 2009 and the same week we found out my Mom had liver cancer.  She's been amazingly strong and has survived a lot longer than her doctors predicted but now the pain is increasing and she is needing more and more morphine.

While taking care of my parents, I've always had the ability or.....hmmmmmm....not sure what you would call it but I've always turned off my emotions and took care of the business at hand.  Tonight as I seemed to be having flashes and memories of them through the years and as I look how their lives have come to an end, I've been flooded with a boat load of emotion.  I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and I believe we'll be united some day.  I know everyone reading this has different beliefs but this is what I believe.  Surprisingly I've caught myself being a little angry at God for the way he planned our lives.  I've caught myself thinking, wouldn't it be easier if instead of dying in the body, we just ascended or something.  But I guess that's where the faith comes in.  I have Faith, I Believe but sometimes the struggle is still there.

So we're born, we grow, we live and we die.  Sounds simple but life is so complex.  Some people do a lot of living in that time and sadly some don't.  I think that's why it's so important for me to strive to be a better person, to live a better life.  And yep.... I'm always blowing it one way or the other......but I have to keep trying..... and I have to have Faith.

I've had some really good talks with my Mom the last few weeks and for that I am grateful.  In those talks, she has asked so many times, how did I get here, how did I get like this, this is not how it was supposed to be.  Seems like all I can say to her is you've been given a good life, had some wonderful times and memories and loved and have been loved by an incredible man but our bodies give out and we get old.  It doesn't make it any easier for her or me....but that's how life works.

I guess what I've been learning more than anything lately with so much tragedy in my family as well as so much tragedy around the world  is that we have to take each moment, seize that moment and Live, Love and Laugh often and never.....Never forget to Dance.......

I'm still struggling with keeping my eyes on the good and positive things in life and not dwelling on the sadness and pain but that too....... is part of this Journey Of Life.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Steve McNair

There has been a lot of news in the past few weeks surrounding Steve McNair in the Nashville area and each time I hear it I feel the pain of His Tragic Death again.  I'm re posting a Journal entry I wrote during that time in hopes that maybe, just maybe it will help us to keep striving to take the two sides of our lives and merge them as much as possible into one life worthy of the Gift Of Life we've all been given...................

I just got back from paying my respects to Steve McNair.  Yes an Icon, a Football Hero, a Humanitarian, a Husband and Father, a Life Praised, Honored and Respected by so many.  A Man who was known for His Toughness on the Football Field and for His Heart of Gold when it came to Charities, Helping Young People and being a Role Model in the City of Nashville.  But sadly as so many of us, there were Two Sides to this Well Respected Man.  The other side was a Life where He Battled His Demons, Fought His Humanness and eventually gave in to the Desires that became His Demise.  In loosing sight of His Morality, He lost His Mortality.  Sadly He played with the Fire that would ultimately Burn Him.  This was the side that He would have preferred not to have the world know about but a side that came out in His Death and such a Tragic Death at the Hands of a Girl, So Young, So Distressed and Fighting Her Own Demons as well.

His Death has really touched me and saddened me Deeply.  It also showed how Important it is to Live Our Lives To The Highest Standard.  To Respect Ourselves First, To Respect Our Husbands, Wives and Families, Our Friends and Those Who Look Up To Us For Guidance and to Respect God and His Guidance and Leadership In Our Lives.

Yes....We All have our Demons, Our Battles between Right and Wrong.  I hope we can remember how fragile life can be and Truly Give It Our All and Make Every Moment Count.  And with the Tragic Death of Steve McNair as a Reminder, Keep Our Eyes Looking Up To A Higher Purpose, a Higher Power, a Higer Sense of Morality and Not Let This World pull us down and Take This Preciious Gift Of Life Away From Us.