Friday, December 19, 2014

What I Want For Christmas

What I Want For Christmas

To learn how to laugh, so I can show the world there is more to life than what we see around us. That dark clouds do have a silver lining and even though today looks bleak, tomorrow will give us a new start.

To find peace of mind, so I can help the worried and down trodden find a quiet place to reflect, renew and and refresh.

To find hope again, so that I can be a light in a world of darkness and an encouragement to those who have lost their way.

To learn to love myself, so I can show the lonely that they are loved, the forgotten that they really do matter, and the belittled that they are just as import as everyone else.

To find a new song, so I can sing with confidence, can show my deepest heart and teach the world a song of a passion, compassion and respect.

To find real joy, a joy that bubbles up deep inside me and touches each person I meet with real happiness, tears of release and burst of unexpected smiles and emotions.

To find new purpose, filling my life with fulfillment, with confidence and with direction, to be a positive force to those around me.

To find real life, as an example for those who are just existing day by day and show them all the wonders, miracles and excitement this world has to give. 

To find a New Year, where I can learn from my mistakes, let go of my weakness, begin again a year full of brighter days and be given the chance to be the best I can be.

What I Want For Christmas

To learn to laugh with real joy,     to find real peace and hope,     where I can learn to love myself deeper,     to find a new song,     filled with purpose and life     and a new year to start a new beginning,     making each day the best it can be,     where I can be a light that shines,     touching one person at a time,     making a difference and making this world a better place.

Wishing you all the Merriest of Christmases and a Joyful and Prosperous New Year.....

Love You Much.......

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Screams of an Angry Man

The last few weeks we've been bombarded with lies, half truths and propaganda in so many areas. Being one who seems to becoming more and more sensitive lately, I find my reactions going off the chart. I catch myself becoming angry at the world, angry at the stubbornness, angry at the comments that are put out there just to cause problems or to cause more division.

I'm really struggling to let go of the anger rearing up inside me. The world can be such an ugly place at times and it seems to be getting uglier by the minute.

I'm constantly struggling to make this world a better place in every way I can. I'm finding some who are on board and wanting this as well. But so many others are fighting tooth and nail to cause division.

I should be able to let it go and take the weight of the world off my shoulders, but when I hear people continuing to cause problems and I feel so strongly that they are wrong, I just want to shout. ENOUGH.

We have our politicians making every effort to divide our nations more. As congressman John Boehner accuses President Obama for trying to be an emperor or king for the immigration law, he forgets that after the senate passed and immigration bill and the house republicans wanted him to bring up a vote on the bill as well, he too played emperor by refusing to bring it to a vote when the house was asking for it. Why is it so easy to put all the blame on others in order to side track our own blame with the problem. Why to we constantly lie and criticize and divide our nation even more. I so wish we could get rid of the two party system and make it a One American System where everyone was working for the good of our country but I know it's not feasible. I just wish all of our political leaders would stop  playing dictator, stop playing money mongers and just stop all the games.

We our proud Americans but when we take a deep look at where we are, we fall short in a lot of areas. When some of the facts and topics are revealed to some people, they say NO, it's just propaganda. How can it be propaganda when the facts are true and we do fall short in some areas of our country. It seems easier to turn a blind eye to some of the sad facts and continue to look through rose colored glasses than to face the truth and work on making it better.

There was a movie years back, I believe call the Network where one of the characters told everyone on the news to open their windows and their doors and scream to the top of their lungs, "I madder than hell and I'm not going to take it anymore". But these days one voice screaming can't be heard, but we can scream on the internet. Scream, stop the games, stop the lies, stop the stupidity, stop the politics, stop being blind, stop hating and hating and hating.......JUST STOP.

So many of us are turning into angry men and women. How long will we allow the foolishness of our leaders and others to continue. When will we stop the hate. When will we......JUST STOP.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Plausibility Of Change


I'm learning that the plausibility of change in our world seems to be at times, a hopeless, uphill battle. We search for change in the human heart that has grown cold and callous. We search for change in the world where power and greed seem to be the driving force. We look for hope and find despair. We look for love and compassion and find hate.

We are living in a world where we are connected to every event, every word spoken and every voice that seems to enjoy hearing their voice above all others. We've become a world of opinions. We're bombarded everyday with news cast, discussion groups and twitter pages where everyone has something to say. Whether they know the details or what's really going on, they suddenly become the expert. We've learned to let our voice be driven by our minds and supposed intellect and no longer by our hearts of compassion.

All that said, the world hasn't fallen into oblivion yet. There is still hope but the change needs to come soon.

I've learned recently that I'm probably a lot more sensitive to the worlds problems then some. My heart hurts for those dying in a foreign land because of famine, war and disease. My heart cries out against those who only seek power and greed and their own agenda, no matter what the cost. My patience grows thin for those who are so close minded, they never give other's thoughts and opinions a chance.

I find myself constantly searching for ways to make this world a better place, to warm the cold hearts and open the eyes to a world that should be, that could be. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall that's going nowhere.

Through this process, I've become aware that for some, change will never come. They've become so wrapped up in their world of I's and me's, that's all they see. For whatever reason, it just ain't gonna happen.

But for some I have hope. I see so many in the world who want change. Change in their lives and the lives of those around them. I see the compassion in their hearts and warmth in their eyes. When conflict comes their way, they search for balance and an even ground to work through the process. They may not always agree, but they look for ways to react with respect and hope and grace.

I've learned that it may be impossible for one person to change the world, but one person can change one more, then another and another. For those of us who can see our world in a better place, we find that it can only take one person reaching out and hopefully that one spark will ignite a wildfire of hope and compassion, of love and understanding and of peace and brighter days ahead.

We must learn to close our ears to the bickering around us and open our hearts to shine a new light. That even though we may not have it all together and still have our own issues at times, we may still be a light in a darkened world. We must learn that being understanding is more important than being right, that there's more to this world than greed and power. We must learn to let our first words be a smile, followed by hope and compassion. We must realize that there is more to this life than just I or me, that we are one human being in a world of millions. Only then can we see a brighter future of working together. Only then will we learn to speak with a voice of reason and a heart of compassion.

We can see change by taking the courage to first look in our own hearts, then by taking the courage to reach out, one person at a time and only then can we start to see change in the world we live in.

and the Journey Continues.......

Friday, October 17, 2014

Dear Mr. President

As a prerequisite, I'm more than aware that there are many of you who will disagree with what I have to say here, but I hope that you will take this and respect it as my thoughts and refrain from adding your negative comments. There are plenty of other places for that. My comments here apply to the current President as well as every other man that has and will take on the title and the responsibility.

Dear Mr. President,

I just wanted to take some time to let you know how much I respect you and the job you hold. No one can ever know what it's like standing in your shoes or carrying the load of burdens you have to bare every day.

You wake up with the weight of the United States as well as the World on your shoulders. Besides having the economy, jobs and unemployed, national security, the environment, immigration, natural and unnatural disasters, and all of the other problems surrounding the United States, you have to worry about wars, terrorist, disease, killing and starvation, and countries that are always plotting against us. And if that isn't enough you have to fight the politics between the two parties, the polls, the constant criticism and the haters.

You constantly come up against a brick wall from the other party when trying to get things done. You have to hear there twist and turns and lies and constant criticism with never the thought of actually trying to work things out. You are always wrong and they are always right. Anything that goes wrong in our country is your fault, not theirs, yet they so easily forget their own transgressions of corruption and dealings with the peoples money and their well being.

If there are problems in the world, it's your fault. If there are terrorist, worry of disease, or wars, are why or why we did or didn't we get involved, it's your fault. You are the barer of everything that goes wrong in the world but never given credit for what good things you have done.

You have to listen daily to the news when you slip up on one word or a phrase. You have to listen to the other party condemning you as well, always using it as an excuse to hide their own bad decisions and inadequacies.

The other party constantly blames you for every thing wrong in our country, forgetting the fact these things were things that you tried to pass through them months ago, ignoring the fact that they wouldn't deal with them, or put then off for another day, or fought you every step of the way for trying to work it out as a bipartisan solution.

I hear constantly that YOU are the President and it's your job to take care of everything the world throws our way, forgetting that congress is suppose to be there to help with these problems and not add to them.. So many listen to every thing the other party states as if it's all true and they wouldn't dare lie to their people.

They forget that YOU ARE ONE MAN, THAT YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN. They so easily ignore this fact and continue to blame and criticize, and hate. They choose to hate because of your party affiliation, your religion or the color of your skin. They chose to hate you the moment you were elected and never tried to give you a chance.

So you, Mr. President, get my complete and total respect. I may not agree with every decision you make but I make sure I look at all the sides fairly and ignore the twisting of the truth, and the lies, and the hatred. I pray for you daily for God's guidance as well as strength for you and the burden you have to bare. Always remember that there are those who wish the best for you and know that you are ONE MAN with the weight of the WORLD on your shoulders..........

Sunday, September 21, 2014

My Dad

Tuesday September 23, 1914, will be 5 years since my Dad passed. Looking back on his life and the man he was, I find a lot of similarities I haven't realized completely.

My Dad was a gentle man but when he needed to be stern, he was. Through the years he was always the rock of our family even though it seemed like my Mom wore the pants. But when the time was needed, Daddy was in charge.

He was the caregiver for our family, the peace maker, the one that was always there for us. He loved us but it was hard for him to say it. But he showed it every day in his actions. Anytime we needed help, he was there. When my Mom said no, he found a way to say yes.

He always tried to make the best of things, even though it was not always appreciated. He tried to be there for my Mom but sometimes she didn't see the spot deep in his heart where it came from.

He was a good man.

As I look at his character, I"m proud to say that I inherited a lot of his characteristics.
He was a peacemaker, always trying to keep things calm. to bring out the lighter side of the situation.
He was a caretaker, being there in every way even with all the frustration surrounding it. He was a gentle soul but with a firm hand. I only received two spankings from him but while growing up, but I knew I had done wrong.

Looking at my life, I see his character there. I tend to be the peacemaker, the caretaker, the quiet sentimental one, the one with a tender heart,  the one wanting to show love but not always knowing how. Sure my Moms influences pop in at times, some good, some bad. But it's my Dad's that made me a better man, a good man.

So coming to the 5 year mark of his passing, I've learned to appreciate what he embedded into my heart and soul, the life lessons he taught me and the view of the world through his eyes.

You are missed Daddy.
Love You,
Your Son

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

60 Years

It's hard to believe that this week I will have been on this earth for 60 years. From a babe who came out kicking and screaming at 6:40 in the evening to the man I am today.

Growing up carefree and innocent of the things in the world around us, it was a time of playing in the dirt, licking the sidewalk because I liked the taste, birthday parties with super cakes and lots of fun. Sure my parents were strict when we were young but we were good mannered kids that knew what it was to obey our parents.

As we grew older the relationship with my parents changed somewhat. At times my Mom's discipline became a bit more brash. It was for our good but it was also out of a need for my Mom to have kids on the honor role or best in class so she would have some bragging rights with the other Moms.

The older we got, my Dad was always the same, mild mannered, understanding and patient. But my Mom began growing deep callouses on her heart as she fought her own demons. The care free days were over and it seemed like there was no pleasing my Mom. This seemed to continue up until her death. She had good intentions but was only happy when she felt we had done something she could brag about. So needless to say, from Junior High on, life was challenging at the least.

They say so much of our characteristics are formed when we are young and for that, I'm grateful we had a great childhood. But the callouses on my Mom's heart brought about a lot of scars on ours.

I always excelled in music, playing cornet and being first chair in the high school band, to my gift of learning the piano by ear and playing and singing for the church. That went on to college, learning music compostition, then back to the church, writing music, teaching 100's of students and making a name for myself.

Moving to Amarillo, I again rose up as a musician playing keyboards for the Christian Rock Group, "Lazarus", writing praise choruses for West Amarillo Christian Church and spending some time as a solo artist. I also grew as the top specialist in Christian music while I was the music buyer and manager of High Plains Religious Bookstore. Those years, my confidence was good as I felt I had a real purpose in life.

Then on to Nashville where I became the small fish in the big pond so to speak. But good opportunities came as I was given the chance to work for some of the largest Christian Music Companies in Nashville. The experiences and opportunities were incredible as I was living my dream to some extent.

Then the cancer word hit and changed the way things were. The six months to a year I was given became twenty years. A lot of that time my closeness to God grew immensely. But as time passed, my struggles grew. I was being split into different directions, trying to find the joy I seemed to be missing.

Then the eight years of darkness hit as I became the caretaker for my parents and others. During this time my character grew in leaps in bounds but my joy was pushed way back into deep caverns. The struggles during this time were almost unbearable but I had no other choice but to step up to the challenge, even if it was more than I could bare at times.

With the passing of my parents came a time of release, more than grieving. Their loss was felt but relief seemed to be more accurate. The struggles through those years were so intense, that as my Mom found peace from all the pain in her passing, we felt like so many years of burdens had lifted. The love we had was always strained and hidden by all the conflict but it was still there.

So now I am where I am today, challenged with the new creation of WynnSong Publishing Company, Inc., bringing with it a feeling of accomplishment as well as having the reality that most people are so caught up in there lives, what you do or say that you feel has so much meaning, isn't felt by everyone. I guess I was a bit disillusioned to the fact that so many who seemed so interested in my company and songbook at first, had a lesser feeling than I did of it's importance. There were some who were there and continue to support but so many who haven't. I have learned through all of this that we all have our voice, our needs, our thoughts and dreams and we can't expect everyone to feel the same way we do. We discover that we are one of many and it seems hard to get our voice out there high above the noise. So I've learned to thank those who support and realize that a time comes when I have to fulfill my dreams for me.

So as I come to finishing my 60 years on earth, I'm still searching to regain the joy of my youth, the carefree feeling in my heart, the remembering that each day is a new adventure and that every day of life is a gift. I'm hoping that as I come to the last day of my 61st year, my life will be a little less stressful, a time where loose ends are tied up and maybe I will be more content and confident with who I am. And most of all, I will have found my joy in living life renewed.

and the Journey Continues.....

Thursday, August 21, 2014


A week of days, seven in a row
Each one starts and ends the same
But what consumes us in between
Make us or brakes us, teaches us or defeats us

Each beginning gives us a new chance
Time to reinvent ourselves with a new beginning
A new chance of building our character
Of reaching out and touching the world

The opportunities arise within our reach
To make a difference for us and others
We can conquer the world if we try
But, will we try

Our mindset determines so much of the outcome
To decide to get up when we are down
To find joy when we are defeated
To share love when we feel there is no love to give

We struggle during those days when we've lost hope
When we can't seem to find our purpose
When the world around seems dark and empty
When our soul feels lifeless

Those are the days we must fight bigger battles
Defeat our enemies, conquer our fears
We come to a place to let go
To set free all of the emotions, the pain, the emptiness

But simple words seem to have no meaning
All the answers bounce off of our heads
Never finding their way into our hearts
Never touching our spirit, our soul

We come to a crossroad
To the left, let the world defeats us
To the right, we stand up and find the strength
To win

We all seem to come to that crossroad during one time or another
Some times we've taken the left, sometimes the right
They both are a part of our life, a time where we find our true character
The road to the left takes so much time, so much effort

The words come easy but the choice is monumental
Finding our inner strength, from our heart, from our soul
From our God who is always there
To life us high above the noise

When we are weak, He is strong
When we are lost, He guides our way
When we are empty, He fills us up
When we are sad, He gives new joy

As the days go by and we come to each crossroad
We can rely on our emotions and find defeat
Or we can rely on our God
And find our strength

Some understand the words
But that seems to be all they are, words
But until we let go and let God
Our battles at the crossroads of life will continue to be just that......battles

and the Journey Continues

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Political Change

Political Change

I sit here asking myself, how do we bring about change in certain areas of our life. One that puzzles me the most is making changes in our political system. 

Not wanting to get into a political debate, it concerns me how our congressmen have taken all the power over them away from the people, except by voting. They decide on their term limits, raises, retirement pay, policies, their loyalties, health insurance and time spent on the job. All of these have been taken away from the people they are meant to serve. I'm really looking for concrete answers here. Is it possible to change what has become so wrong and make it right or is it just a pipe dream of the way we would like things to be.

We all seem to cry out for change but no one seems to have the answer as to how. I've thought about starting another page related to this but unless we can truly find some answers, it's just words on a page.

How do we get across to our congressmen that we are tired of the political games and would like to see some real change? How to we get across that the lifestyle they have set up for themselves is nothing like the people they serve? I'm looking for real answers here and if a new page set aside for this will help, then I will get it started.

Thanks for hearing me out......


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

In The Midst Of The Storm

In the midst of the storm
Clouds closing in from all directions
Lightning flashes, pounding rain
Waves crashing all around us

We feel the turmoil in our lives and know what it feels like to be in the midst of the storm
When sickness or depression hits us, it tends to make the turmoil that much worse
We feel like we're being sucked deep into an endless pit

We panic and allow fear into every part of our lives
We loose sight of our hopes and dreams and things to come
We've lost all light to the darkness

Over reacting to the negative side of life is a frequent occurrence when we feel physically drained
And too many times we allow the emotions and feelings to take over
Causing us to give up, shut down and just stop

Whether the storm is caused by sickness or depression, we must remember this too shall pass
We have to allow the body and mind some time to heal, some time to rest
Not an easy thing to do because all we feel is bad

We have to realize things will get back on track soon, saving all major decisions till later.
We can't make the mistake of allowing what we feel to dictate who we are
We have to take time to ride out the storm and look for the sunrise after the darkness

This all may sound a bit strange coming from me but as I continue to feel the waves of the storm crashing around me
I have to constantly remind myself over and over, this too shall pass
When hope feels lost, I have to remember what doesn't kill me makes me stronger

I have to let the storm take it's course, the clouds blow away and the wind calm the seas around me
And I have to constantly hang on to the Anchor
The Anchor of Hope, Faith, Love, Healing and Patience embedded by my relationship with God

and the Journey Continues.....

Friday, July 18, 2014


I hate the sad days, the bad days
I hate the days where hope seems lost
I hate the memories of days gone awry

I hate the days where depression rules
Where loneliness creeps in
Where time stands still

I hate the feeling of no control
Of not wanting to move
Of loosing my focus

Regretting my past
Stuck in my present
Fighting for the future

The lack of strength
The loss of motivation
The numbness inside

I hate the sad days, the bad days
Where depression rules
Where numbness subsides

I look to tomorrow
And pray for a better day
And pray and pray

Friday, June 27, 2014

As Time Slips By

Time slips by
Seems like a lazy day
But nothing gets done

Sometimes the mind needs the solitude
The body needs the rest
The soul needs rejuvenating

But when too many days slip by
And a pattern becomes established
Our drive seems to diminish

The motivation we once had
The  goals and projects
Get put on hold way too long

We know what we should do
We have all the answers
But we struggle to take them to heart

We start to feel the loneliness
Depression starts leering at us
We sink deeper and deeper

But before we go down that road
We need to look up and look out
Escape the walls of our mind

See that we'er not alone
See the beauty around us
Surround ourselves with others

For without the human connection
Without the touch of intimacy
We tend to stay inside our walls

We need to feel the sun on our face
The grass beneath our feet
And see God's beauty all around us

Sure the mind needs the solitude
The body needs the rest
The soul needs rejuvenating

Take that day and enjoy it
Savor it with your whole being
Let it refresh you

Them move on to the next adventure
Turn the corner to an unexpected experience
And live moment by moment to a life fulfilled

and the Journey Continues.......

Monday, May 26, 2014

The Hate Never Ends

Sometimes I get tired of hearing the news
Sometimes the news paper is too much
Sometimes I don't even want to read Facebook


Because of the hate

We've become a nation, a people, a society where hate dominates our thinking
We say if you can't say something nice, come sit by me

Our minds and our hearts have been so brainwashed to hate that we don't know any difference

Sure we love our families, most of our friends, our dogs and cats
We love our partners in life
But when it comes to others, it's easier to hate, and slander, and criticize
Instead of love

We who are human, who are Christians, who are bartenders, who are teachers and preachers
Who are farmers and disabled and reitired
Who say we love
Until we disagree, or hear some gossip, or slander or criticism
Unfounded by truth

We've forgotten what it really means to be human
Unique, loving, sharing, compassionate, understanding,

It's easier to criticize those we dislike or don't agree with because of  race, color, political party, life style, religion
And the list goes on

When will it stop
When will the hate end
Why is it easier to criticize, talk about, make fun of
Than to try to understand

When will we who say we love the Lord with all our hearts and souls and minds
Start showing love for mankind whether they are black, white, gray, democrats, republicans, Methodist, Muslims, homeless or wealthy

By our words and our actions, we show our true heart
We tell the world who we really are
If we're filled with love and compassion
Or hate and disgust

Guard your heart, guard your words, guard your tempers, guard your spirits
Don't profess to be one thing and let the world see another.
Don't say you know God's love and show Satan's hate

Just Stop

Is your hatred, your gossip, your jokes, your uniformed comments making this world a better place
You are just creating more hate

Why do you constantly try to search for the splinter in his eye when your so blinded by the beam in yours

You criticize a man without walking in his shoes, without knowing his heart, without carrying his load

When will it end

Stop the Hate

The Joy That Eludes Us

Babies and Kittens come by it naturally
Everything is new and exciting
Those little things that catch their attention
And gives them Joy

But age and responsibility
Tragedy and pain
Abuse and neglect
Hides that Joy

Life gives us so much
But circumstances take away
The beauty around us gives us hope
But the turmoil inside denies us Joy

Finding balance
Gives us a chance
But finding balance in an uneven world
Can tilt the scales of Joy

Even when we have the answers
The faith that takes us through
We relentlessly slip back in time
We're eluded once again of the Joy

With each day we have a new beginning
Full of endless possibilities
But only by looking forward and not back
Can we find the Joy

It won't be easy
It starts with the simple things that catch our attention
Through a word, or deed or action
Can we once again find our Joy                        

Saturday, May 10, 2014


Sitting alone, my mind races
My heart cries out oh God
This world has hit me hard
The trials have been too much

And now more trials
More sadness
More Fear

You say you won't take us
Where you won't be with us
But my mind is panicked
My emotions in turmoil

Life and Death, all part of it
But sickness and death and sickness and death
Overwhelms me
My heart says not again

Hear my cries Lord
Heal my heart
Sooth my soul
Help me find your hope again

We pray for healing
But find uncertainty
We must have faith
But my faith is waning

Help me see you and not the fear
Help me see you and not the hopelessness
Help me see you and not the cancer
Help me see you and not the pain

Hear my cries Lord
Help me find my faith again
Help me lay it all at your feet
Help me see Lord, help me see

Friday, May 9, 2014

Lost Faith

Sometimes we feel like all is lost
Our faith in me is gone
Too many challenges, too many tragedies
Too many roads running in circles

Sometimes that lingering pain
That feeling of hopelessness
Seems too strong, too menacing
A battle that can't be won

The strength we had has failed
The confidence has diminished
We grow tired of trying
We come to the point of giving up

We've tried to do right
We've tried to have faith
We take a step forward
Then two steps back

We need things to be better
We need the healing to come
The tragedies deep inside
And of those loved ones we hurt for

But the sadness is too strong
The hope is lost
The faith we had in me and the world
Seems all but gone

Then we hear that still small voice
"Come unto me, all you that labor
And are heavy laden
And I will give you rest"

We want to believe
We want to find rest
But our faith is week
And our heart is broken

We hear again
In your weakness I am strong
So we try to let go
We try to let God

Life becomes a circle of ups and downs
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us
It's hard to see through the gloom and doom
That light in the midst that guides our way

To find the answer of faith
Not of ourselves
But faith in God
And his purpose in all things

So we sit silently waiting
Letting go of the doubt and fear
The pain and sadness
The emotions that hold us back

And we hear again, that still small voice
"Come unto me, all you that labor
And are heavy laden
And I will give you rest"

Monday, April 28, 2014


We have expectations
Maybe more than we should
We try not to ask too much
After all, they are family and friends

But they are our expectations
Guess we expected too much
Just simple request
To stay in touch, to reach out or just remember

Our view of the world
Seems to reach only so far
Inside our boundaries
Our expectations

Family, friends
Remembered for a moment
Then lost by a distraction
Blocked and forgotten

Sometimes we expect too much
Sometimes we grow tired
Weary of the solidarity
Feeling like no one cares.

Asking why do we try
Why do we keep expecting
Only to be disappointed
Over and over again

Sometimes the heart breaks
Wondering why there is no care
No one listening to simple request
Forgetting we are here

So we stop expecting
We stop trying to care
We stop reaching out to touch
When there is no one there, reaching back

Don't forget the weary, the lonely
Don't forget the family, the friends
Broaden our boundaries so they encompass more
Let their expectations become a part of who we are

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Loss of a Child

I drove two elderly sisters to the Animal Humane Center this morning. The older sister had her small dog, Tanya, for several years. They had moved in with her sister a few months ago. Both were deeply attached to Tanya. We were taking Tanya to be euthanized. She had been sick for a while and was just to weak to go on.

For the two women, they were loosing a child. It was heartbreaking as they said their goodbyes, leaving Tanya to her fate.

This past week there seemed to be an epidemic of parents loosing their children. So many tragedies from car accidents, to shootings and stabbings. One of the saddest in Nashville was of a thirteen year old boy changing a tire on the side of the highway for his mother, being hit by a women who was impaired, leaving the scene but later arrested. The boy was a boy scout, deeply involved in his church and a sweet, sweet kid. At his funeral today, he would be buried in his scout uniform that he cherished so deeply.

To think that as they left the house that day, they never imagined meeting such tragedy. As with so many other parents sending their kids off, to get the news that they were gone as well.

They say, a parent should never loose a child. It seems to be the most heart wrenching of all tragedies.

I remember, years ago, I went back to Texas to spend time with my family after my cancer diagnosis. Being told I would have six months to a year to live was the hardest thing I had to share with my parents. As my Mom hugged me, the pain in her face was almost unbearable as the tears flowed and her voice trembled. But I was one of the lucky ones, as I lived to be there for my parents in their time of need and their passing.

It's times like these that we seem to take a deeper look at our own lives. What we are doing, how we are living, and are we truly living in the present. We just have to look around and see that tomorrow is not promised.

So I pray for those who are going through such loss, whether a beautiful pet, a wonderful child, a parent or grandparent, that God would ease the pain, the emptiness, the anguish and give them strength for today and hope for tomorrow. I pray that we will be there for them as well, if only to sit quietly with them as I did this morning and let them grieve.

Love and comfort can be shown in a multitude of actions, or inaction's, through compassion and strength. May God bless them today and you, as you constantly strive to make our world a better place.

and the Journey Continues......

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

When The Sadness Comes

When the sadness comes
Seemingly out of no where
Our first instinct is to suppress it
To shake it off and struggle to lift our spirits

But one wise person told me
To embrace the sadness
Let it engulf you
Let the process complete itself

We may not know where the sadness came from
Whether it was triggered from a memory
A word spoken, a sound
Or even a TV show

By letting it flow through you
Letting the emotions run free
Allowing the thoughts to take you
To that place deep inside

Maybe then will we understand it
Find the root of the sadness
Or maybe just find a way
To let it go

When the sadness comes
Don't be afraid or shy away from it
Let it be a part of you
Experience it to the fullest

Then let go of it
Learn from it
Be thankful for it
Let it mold you into becoming a better you

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Day One: It Has Begun

Day One started with a need to stop scratching with the hens in the chicken yard and start soaring with the eagles.

When we take a close look at our lives, where it's been and where it needs to go, we begin to see patterns in our choices and the directions of the roads we continue to travel on.

I had an epiphany of sorts while trying to work on plan A, avoiding such patterns that seemed to keep me going in the wrong direction.

From the Christian point of view, God reveled to me again how satan was using the small things to build up to the big bang, so to speak. Deceiving myself that I was doing OK with plan A, I was slowly being draw back to the chicken pen and loosing the battle again. So my next thought was to come up with a plan B.

The old hymn says, "Open my eyes that I may see, glimpses of truth thou hast for me". God gently but firmly reminded me that I had to quit relaying on a plan of my own making that was destined to fail from the beginning and look deeper through His eyes. By doing so, he showed me the pitfalls that satan kept putting in front of me to lead down the path of failure. There was no hope in this plan or any other plan that I would conceive.

So Day One has come and gone. As Day Three arrived and the same tricks of satan were scattered around me, God gave me new strength and purpose. He again revealed to me how satan deceives and color coats his evil ways. He helped me to open my eyes, to see the truth and take another step to soaring with the eagles.

So many times the answers are right in front of our face. So many times we see them, yet constantly turn our gaze back down to the world around us. But as I searched once again for the glimpses of truth that I may truly see, God returned with the same direction and purpose. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you......Hallelujah......

So once again I've been given another glimpse of how satan continues to lead me a stray, following him and my own doings, and how God can strengthen my wings and help me to soar high above the clouds, if I will let Him. Will the road be smooth sailing ahead, probably not as we are human and humans forget and make mistakes, but by keeping the eyes looking upward I have a much better chance than trying to make it on my own.

and the Journey Continues.....

Friday, March 14, 2014

20 Years In Nashville

March 14, 2004, twenty years ago today , I took the plunge and headed to Nashville, TN for a new phase in my life and what an adventure it has been.

Doors opened up for me to work for several Christian music companies, including New Day Distribution, Diadem Music and Benson Music Group. This allowed me to work with several leaders in their field as well as so many artist that I had been moved and blessed by for so many years. So many artist that were at the top of the charts in all genres of Christian Music.

Opportunities opened up for me to experience so many perks through these companies, including experiencing a close rapport with the artist and more concerts than most get a chance to enjoy in a lifetime. Through the years, I had the chance to take a cruise to the Bahamas with Diadem Music and the opportunity to sing at Amy Grant's House, "The Loft" with the likes of Michael W. Smith, Nichole, Paul Overstreet and several others. Yep, my fifteen minutes of fame.

It was a learning process for sure as I learned that even in Christian music, it's about the bottom line and making money for the companies.

Through the years, I've had the chance to visit so many states around Tennessee and learning so much. From seeing lake Michigan and Erie, to enjoying the Olympics in Atlanta, I could write a book just on those travels.

While I was with Benson, I was diagnosed with cancer and given about 6 months to a year to live. That was about 18 years ago. I still have to battle some health problems but I try not to let them get me down and I give God all the Glory.

I made a decision to start working more on my own music and put it in a set of songbooks for others to use and enjoy. Shortly after I got started, the health of my parents changed drastically and the next 7 or 8 years were spent with tons of trips back and forth to Texas, taking charge of all of the responsibilities of their stay in a nursing home and their business affairs. While in the nursing home, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, surviving only about a month before he passed. The week of his funeral, we found out my mom had liver cancer. Being the fighter that she was, she kept on fighting for about a year and a half before she passed. Then another year of so many trips to Texas as I closed up all their affairs.

After a couple of weeks at home, I headed to the North East, from Pennsylvania, to New York, to Washington DC and all their surrounding states, taking in all I could, relearning to enjoy the simple things as well as the big and wonderful things this country has to offer. I returned home to start anew, to find ways of letting go of the stress, some anger and some grief and yep, I'm still working on that.

At the ripe old age of 59, I took a big step and started my own publishing company. Who would have thought that I would be the CEO of my own company this late in my life. But it was time for me to do what I loved the best. Starting the first of January, 2013, I had my first songbook, "Songs of the Heart", ready in September of that year. I'm finishing up a book of prose and poetry, "Whispers of Life" to come out later this year.

Through all the changes and struggles as well as the great times, my character and outlook on life changed significantly. I've learned to look at the world dramatically different than I did a few years back. Seeing a world with so much hatred and anger, I've started my own personal crusade to make the world a more positive place. I've learned that sometimes it's just reaching out to one person at a time, but with the internet, one can reach millions as well. So I'm no longer the man that I was 20 years ago. But thank God I'm not. I can say I've learned and grown, I've prevailed and made mistakes, but it all went into molding me into the man I am to day.

Finishing with my two favorite quotes:

"Let Your First Word Be A Smile"


"Be Who You Wish The Word To Be"

I challenge each of you to take each day and each moment and do something good. And 20 years down the road we can all say.......WOW......what a life.....

and the Journey Continues.....

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

A Tale Of Two Dreams

It amazes me how God can slip us a little wisdom when we least expect it, and in all places, our dreams.

I had two dreams one night, the first showing a life without Him and the second showing what an amazing life can be with Him.

Dream One:

I headed out to enjoy the night life, taking in all that the world had to offer. Every where in the club was loud music, plenty to drink, or smoke, or whatever. People were in the corners letting their lust go wild and everyone was partying till early into the morning. When I finally had enough of the craziness, I tried a pay phone to get a ride home. The phone wouldn't take my money and kept charging up unexplained bills till I finally gave up. I found a friend and we went out to try and find my car. It turned into an endless search for blocks and blocks, circling around, heading back, all in vain. The night and the day had become one frustrated time of feeling lost, confused and hopeless.

Dream Two:

I was in the parking lot of a store and witnessed a small boy and his dog get hit by a speeding car. I rushed to the scene of the accident and was met by an elderly black man. He scooped up the boy and I took the dog and we went inside until the ambulance came. That meeting started an incredible friendship with the man and his family. From that moment on we watched as each event was now more than just a coincident. With each moment we could see how God's plan was unfolding before our eyes. Life was no longer the same for his family and me. His son had struggled with the wild side of life, but from that moment began to grow closer to God and his family. We were in awe as God took control of each of our lives as well as the new family that we had become. Every moment of every day we felt a new bond and love for each other and God. Each event was no longer a coincident. As we embraced it, we knew it was all part of God's plan.

Unexpectedly God showed me what life is like without Him and how it can be with Him.

The world can offer a small amount of happiness and sometimes just a cheap fix. But turning everything over to God can give us real purpose and life and an eternity beyond our wildest imagination.

A tale of two dreams, once again:

"Opened my eyes that I may see
Glimpses of truth thou hast for me
Opened my heart, illumined me
Spirit Divine"

and the Journey Continues.....

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Waiting Room Reflections

As I sat quietly in the waiting room of the oncology office at 6 am this morning, passing time playing a couple of games of solitaire, I noticed the room began to fill up with people.

One person seemed to stand out above the rest..

My first reaction was, what a strange lady. She had on a pair of black biker boots. She was wearing a black gypsy looking skirt with purple stripes around the bottom, red embroidered roses with green stems, patches of paisley and a few other colors thrown in and wore a faded blue gene jacket. Her red hair was tossed as if it hadn't been touched in days. She looked worn from the struggles that life seemed to have given her. She seemed a bit flighty and insecure as she tried to make herself comfortable in her chair.

As she drank her coffee and skimmed through a magazine, she glanced up at me. Her eyes were red and watery and sad.

It hit me how my first thought was to judge her appearance, forgetting where I was and why we were all here.

I caught myself praying for forgiveness for my first reaction. Praying for her, not knowing if she was here for her own diagnosis or here with a friend or a family member. I continued praying for my friend who was here with his own fears of the thought of the cancer coming back and prayed for my own fears as well as to what his test might reveal.

All at once it seemed like all the sadness in the world was on my shoulders. I caught myself praying that God would bless the world with a special amount of joy today, just to make life easier for all of us as we struggle.

I learned once again that no one knows the hearts of those around us. No one knows the struggles and pain that they endure. I remembered how easily I seem to forget this and how much better of a person I would be if my first thoughts were filled with compassion to all I meet.

My reflections in the waiting room once again reminded me of the value of life, each and every life. A life lesson that should always have a place in my mind and heart. A lesson that we should all remember, to make us all the person that God intended for us to be.

and the Journey Continues.......

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Hatred of the Heart

We hear the words from those around us
Friends, family, coworkers and strangers
Voicing their opinion with so much passion
Sometimes with so much hate

We hear it on the news
As each side tears the other apart
We read it in our social networks
With no one finding common ground

We express our opinion, our side of things
No matter what the cause
We take each act, each word
And twist it to make our point

We've become an angry people
So quick to criticize and judge
Only hearing what we want to hear
Not willing to compromise

We've closed our hearts to understanding
We shout out words of hate
We've lost the warmth of caring
The compassion, the humanity

Its all about what works for us
What we can use to verify our point of view
We say we accept and understand
We respect the opinion of those around us

But deep inside there is real hatred
One word of disagreement makes the blood boil
We bite our tongues trying to be fair
Not revealing the hatred in our hearts

We hang on to our judgement
We've already made up our mind
We know the truth
Without even hearing the facts

We've become a people of extreme bias
We've lost a part of our humanity
Standing up for our rights
We've closed our mind to what others think

Sure we say we understand
We say the words to show we accept others
But too many times deep inside
We only feel the Hatred of the Heart