Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Growing up carefree and innocent of the things in the world around us, it was a time of playing in the dirt, licking the sidewalk because I liked the taste, birthday parties with super cakes and lots of fun. Sure my parents were strict when we were young but we were good mannered kids that knew what it was to obey our parents.
As we grew older the relationship with my parents changed somewhat. At times my Mom's discipline became a bit more brash. It was for our good but it was also out of a need for my Mom to have kids on the honor role or best in class so she would have some bragging rights with the other Moms.
The older we got, my Dad was always the same, mild mannered, understanding and patient. But my Mom began growing deep callouses on her heart as she fought her own demons. The care free days were over and it seemed like there was no pleasing my Mom. This seemed to continue up until her death. She had good intentions but was only happy when she felt we had done something she could brag about. So needless to say, from Junior High on, life was challenging at the least.
They say so much of our characteristics are formed when we are young and for that, I'm grateful we had a great childhood. But the callouses on my Mom's heart brought about a lot of scars on ours.
I always excelled in music, playing cornet and being first chair in the high school band, to my gift of learning the piano by ear and playing and singing for the church. That went on to college, learning music compostition, then back to the church, writing music, teaching 100's of students and making a name for myself.
Moving to Amarillo, I again rose up as a musician playing keyboards for the Christian Rock Group, "Lazarus", writing praise choruses for West Amarillo Christian Church and spending some time as a solo artist. I also grew as the top specialist in Christian music while I was the music buyer and manager of High Plains Religious Bookstore. Those years, my confidence was good as I felt I had a real purpose in life.
Then on to Nashville where I became the small fish in the big pond so to speak. But good opportunities came as I was given the chance to work for some of the largest Christian Music Companies in Nashville. The experiences and opportunities were incredible as I was living my dream to some extent.
Then the cancer word hit and changed the way things were. The six months to a year I was given became twenty years. A lot of that time my closeness to God grew immensely. But as time passed, my struggles grew. I was being split into different directions, trying to find the joy I seemed to be missing.
Then the eight years of darkness hit as I became the caretaker for my parents and others. During this time my character grew in leaps in bounds but my joy was pushed way back into deep caverns. The struggles during this time were almost unbearable but I had no other choice but to step up to the challenge, even if it was more than I could bare at times.
With the passing of my parents came a time of release, more than grieving. Their loss was felt but relief seemed to be more accurate. The struggles through those years were so intense, that as my Mom found peace from all the pain in her passing, we felt like so many years of burdens had lifted. The love we had was always strained and hidden by all the conflict but it was still there.
So now I am where I am today, challenged with the new creation of WynnSong Publishing Company, Inc., bringing with it a feeling of accomplishment as well as having the reality that most people are so caught up in there lives, what you do or say that you feel has so much meaning, isn't felt by everyone. I guess I was a bit disillusioned to the fact that so many who seemed so interested in my company and songbook at first, had a lesser feeling than I did of it's importance. There were some who were there and continue to support but so many who haven't. I have learned through all of this that we all have our voice, our needs, our thoughts and dreams and we can't expect everyone to feel the same way we do. We discover that we are one of many and it seems hard to get our voice out there high above the noise. So I've learned to thank those who support and realize that a time comes when I have to fulfill my dreams for me.
So as I come to finishing my 60 years on earth, I'm still searching to regain the joy of my youth, the carefree feeling in my heart, the remembering that each day is a new adventure and that every day of life is a gift. I'm hoping that as I come to the last day of my 61st year, my life will be a little less stressful, a time where loose ends are tied up and maybe I will be more content and confident with who I am. And most of all, I will have found my joy in living life renewed.
and the Journey Continues.....
Thursday, August 21, 2014
A week of days, seven in a row
Each one starts and ends the same
But what consumes us in between
Make us or brakes us, teaches us or defeats us
Each beginning gives us a new chance
Time to reinvent ourselves with a new beginning
A new chance of building our character
Of reaching out and touching the world
The opportunities arise within our reach
To make a difference for us and others
We can conquer the world if we try
But, will we try
Our mindset determines so much of the outcome
To decide to get up when we are down
To find joy when we are defeated
To share love when we feel there is no love to give
We struggle during those days when we've lost hope
When we can't seem to find our purpose
When the world around seems dark and empty
When our soul feels lifeless
Those are the days we must fight bigger battles
Defeat our enemies, conquer our fears
We come to a place to let go
To set free all of the emotions, the pain, the emptiness
But simple words seem to have no meaning
All the answers bounce off of our heads
Never finding their way into our hearts
Never touching our spirit, our soul
We come to a crossroad
To the left, let the world defeats us
To the right, we stand up and find the strength
We all seem to come to that crossroad during one time or another
Some times we've taken the left, sometimes the right
They both are a part of our life, a time where we find our true character
The road to the left takes so much time, so much effort
The words come easy but the choice is monumental
Finding our inner strength, from our heart, from our soul
From our God who is always there
To life us high above the noise
When we are weak, He is strong
When we are lost, He guides our way
When we are empty, He fills us up
When we are sad, He gives new joy
As the days go by and we come to each crossroad
We can rely on our emotions and find defeat
Or we can rely on our God
And find our strength
Some understand the words
But that seems to be all they are, words
But until we let go and let God
Our battles at the crossroads of life will continue to be just that......battles
and the Journey Continues
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
I sit here asking myself, how do we bring about change in certain areas of our life. One that puzzles me the most is making changes in our political system.
Not wanting to get into a political debate, it concerns me how our congressmen have taken all the power over them away from the people, except by voting. They decide on their term limits, raises, retirement pay, policies, their loyalties, health insurance and time spent on the job. All of these have been taken away from the people they are meant to serve. I'm really looking for concrete answers here. Is it possible to change what has become so wrong and make it right or is it just a pipe dream of the way we would like things to be.
We all seem to cry out for change but no one seems to have the answer as to how. I've thought about starting another page related to this but unless we can truly find some answers, it's just words on a page.
How do we get across to our congressmen that we are tired of the political games and would like to see some real change? How to we get across that the lifestyle they have set up for themselves is nothing like the people they serve? I'm looking for real answers here and if a new page set aside for this will help, then I will get it started.
Thanks for hearing me out......
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
In the midst of the storm
Clouds closing in from all directions
Lightning flashes, pounding rain
Waves crashing all around us
We feel the turmoil in our lives and know what it feels like to be in the midst of the storm
When sickness or depression hits us, it tends to make the turmoil that much worse
We feel like we're being sucked deep into an endless pit
We panic and allow fear into every part of our lives
We loose sight of our hopes and dreams and things to come
We've lost all light to the darkness
Over reacting to the negative side of life is a frequent occurrence when we feel physically drained
And too many times we allow the emotions and feelings to take over
Causing us to give up, shut down and just stop
Whether the storm is caused by sickness or depression, we must remember this too shall pass
We have to allow the body and mind some time to heal, some time to rest
Not an easy thing to do because all we feel is bad
We have to realize things will get back on track soon, saving all major decisions till later.
We can't make the mistake of allowing what we feel to dictate who we are
We have to take time to ride out the storm and look for the sunrise after the darkness
This all may sound a bit strange coming from me but as I continue to feel the waves of the storm crashing around me
I have to constantly remind myself over and over, this too shall pass
When hope feels lost, I have to remember what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
I have to let the storm take it's course, the clouds blow away and the wind calm the seas around me
And I have to constantly hang on to the Anchor
The Anchor of Hope, Faith, Love, Healing and Patience embedded by my relationship with God
and the Journey Continues.....