Understanding Me

In a conversation with a therapist friend of mine, I was enlightened to the magnitude that our past childhood experiences, mentors, expectations, rewards and disappointments, play in our present day life. As we discussed my lack of patience at times in dealing with reckless drivers, slow check out lines and my jumping to first impressions of people before I take a moment to think through the situation, I was asked why.....

Hmmmmmm......uhhhhhh....it's the Virgo in me......or....um.....one of those traits I inherited from one of my parents.  But as we talked, I realized those easy answers didn't come close.

Our experiences growing up, where we were criticized, rewarded, punished, praised, put on a pedestal as well as being kicked off.....all have a way of wiring our brains to a certain mindset, a certain outlook on life, a certain way we judge and react.

If we really want to find some answers, we have to look deeper into why the anger screams when someone does something that annoys us.
As I look deeper, I see a life where I was placed on and off of the pedestal way too many times. My childhood was based on my accomplishments, my victories, my awards as well as my failures, my disappointment to others, my not being perfect.....All The Time.


So my perfectionism comes from a process of having to be always great, always having the answers, always being the one to take charge when no one else would or could......not from being a Virgo.......

My anger and irritation of others comes from the expectations set on me, turned around and expected of others, when I feel they don't measure up.....to my standards......Hmmmmmmm.......

So to solve the problem, we have to take a deep, painful look into the old and shattered crevices of our mind, heart and soul, and begin the process of rewiring our brains, letting go of the past notions, hurts, expectations, and learn to live our lives in a new light.  We need to realize that no one has the power over us to dictate how we live.....except God, no one has the right to push their attitudes on us simply because they think they are always right, no one has the right to take our joy of living and turn it into a life of disappointment's.....including us..........

 As the old song says.....

"My God and I  walk  in  the  fields  together 

We  walk  and talk  as good  friends should and do 

We clasp our  hands,  our  voices  ring with laughter   

My God and I walk  through the  meadow's  hue." 

As our Strength comes from the Time we spend with God, the challenge ahead can still be a long uphill battle for us all. But given time, and diligence......there is Light at the End of the Tunnel......and Joy Does Come In The Morning...


and the Journey Continues.......

Dear God........We Are Not As Strong......

Dear God, Too....

OK God,

When we talked earlier, I can see I was talking from my mind, not my heart.....

My heart hurts Lord, it cries in pain, it feels lost and alone at times.  When troubles hit me, I stand up with a wall around me, making my stand, but dying inside.  I get so tired of it all.  I look for answers and there seems to be just emptiness.

When I look at the world, so much tragedy, so much sadness, so much grief, so much wrong, I want to cry out and say, why is this happening, why can't things work out, why can't we get along, why is this world turning into such a wretched place.

My Heart Hurts God........

But it's in those times of pain, of anger, of despair, I sit quietly and listen. I see the only place to turn, is to You Lord.  I know, my humanity, and it's limitations, can only do so much.  I see, sometimes, there are no answers to the why's.....just more questions.....

So I sit quietly and listen.  I try to turn off the noise of the world and all its troubles and just, sit, and listen to you.......

Forgive me for being weak, forgive me for my self pity, forgive me for forgetting to keep my eyes on you.
Help me to find that Joy in You Lord and know, that's where my strength comes from. Help me to look for the Good in Others, with the Help of Your Love and Grace......

Help Me Be The Man You Planned and Designed Me To Be.........

Help Me To Be.......

Dear God.....

Dear God,

I know we talk often, usually when I'm in need, or stressed, or hurting.  But now I come to Praise You God....with a few questions as well.

As I look back at my life, I see how You've Blessed me in so many ways.  You gave me a bit of good looks, some personality, some unique talents, and a life that took me from a simple, small town life, to where I am today. I know sometimes, I forget to really take that look and see just how much You have Blessed me.  Sometimes, I've taken it for granted.  Sometimes, I've been a bit prideful as well.  But it's the life You Gave Me and I Praise You for that..  I just ask for your help in showing me how I can give my life back to You, every moment, every day, in every situation that this life brings.

Now, maybe some questions......

Life is hard God, sometimes, really hard.  I see the struggles in my own life, and sometimes, just have to ask why.  But You remind me, You're with me, every moment, through every trial and struggle, and as I keep my eyes on You, I can find that strength, that hope, that peace to make it through.  And again I have to say, Thank You God.

I see so much anger, hatred, death and tragedy in the world and again ask why.  Why are so many killed in times of war? Why are so many killed with that stray bullet or that car going the wrong way. Why do so many wake up one morning, never expecting to loose their life through a deadly storm. Why to some choose to kill, without any remorse, in the name of their god. There are so many why's that seem left unanswered, so much pain, so much loss.

I understand, we may never know the answers to those questions while on this earth. But, I also see You reaching out, every moment, in every situation, in every death and tragedy.  Reaching out with Love, with Hope, with Peace That Passes All Understanding, with a Warm Hug of a Father to His Child. And even though the Pain is So Real, You are always there to give us the Strength to carry on. You say, You will never give us more than we can handle....and...sometimes, I've questioned that. Sometimes, the pain is just too much.  But I know that through that pain, You guide us, make us stronger, mold us, and remind us, that You are always there, no matter what. You remind us to rely on You, reach out with our faith to You, know that the answers will come and that Your Joy is our Strength.

You know I'm human God, and so many times, my doubts, my fears, my struggles, as well as my pride and my own self, get in the way of Your Will, Your Purpose, and Your Plan in my life.  I ask for Your Forgiveness and for Your Strength,  for Your Wisdom and Guidance. I ask that You continue to mold me into the Man You made me to be, the Man You can shine Your Light Through, the Man who can help make this world a better place.........

Thank You God.
I Give You The Praise In All Things

Your Loving Son,
Wynn

30 Days.....

While clicking on Google + this week, I came across a video by Matt Cutts, talking about trying something new for 30 days.The concept was simple and was described in the video in just over 3 minutes, but gave me a lot of food for thought. Here's the link just in case you want to hear it from him.....

http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html

The premise was to take 30 days, working on one thing, either breaking a habit, or making one change in your life every day for a month. To write a book, or take a photo everyday, the choice is yours.  In 30 days, your mind will have had time to break a habit, or add a positive influence in your life.....or maybe not......

But taking each day working on one particular thing will have a way of slowing down time for that month, and the next, and the next.  Months that had been rushing by, leaving us wondering where the time went, began to have more meaning, slow down, and add more purpose to our life.....as Matt Cutts describes.

So I decided to try. I actually tried to do two changes but found one was neglected so I chose one......Patience.  Yep....Patience while driving, while standing in line at the check out counter, while walking through a busy store....all of those places where I know my patience needs a lot of improvement.  

I'm one of those people that always seems to be in a hurry, full speed ahead, then when I get there, I wonder what the rush was and wonder why I feel so worn out. Why didn't I just take my time getting there, enjoying the wonders of the world around me, and allow the day to be special, not one that just flew by in a flash. Why did I feel the need to be cold and critical to others, because I was in a hurry.  Why did I choose anger and frustration instead the warmth and joy of the day.

So my first 30 days seem to be changing a bad habit for the good.  Slowing my life down, making me aware of those special moments that would have sped by, without ever knowing what it was like to savor that moment in time. Hopefully when the I'm done with this first challenge, it will last, it will become a positive part of my life, and then I can take the next challenge, the next 30 days.

In a fast paced world where we have lost the gift of smelling the roses, observing the uniqueness of those around us, or extending a word of compassion and hope because we were in a hurry to get to no where......those simple words from Matt Cutts could be just what it takes to make a major impact in our lives.

I'm working on mine........

as the Journey Continues.......