The Music of Christmas

Every year the feeling of dread comes as I realize the holiday season is upon us once again. It was only yesterday that I took down the tree and all the decorations and here it is, time to put them back up. Seems like it will be but a minute, then time to take them down again.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were always special as a kid, but time was moving at a much slower pace back then. Up until a few years ago, the time to be Thankful and the Spirit of Christmas always had a warm place in my heart. It was a bit of a surprise in my Mom's later years, to go home and find no tree, no decorations, no sign of Christmas around her house. Even with my Dad's pleas for something, she had lost the desire. So as I too began to struggle for some of the spirit lost, I had to find my own way of rekindling the Spirit of the Season.

Every year I've complained that Hallmark Channel, Lifetime and others started their run of Christmas movies right after Halloween. Reluctantly, I began my own quest to regain my warm fuzzy feeling of the holidays by watching these movies the week before Thanksgiving. Seems that if I didn't, Thanksgiving and Christmas would come and go before I even thought of decorating the house.

Renewing my tradition this week, I wondered what it was about these movies that helped bring about my Christmas Spirit. All of the movies in one aspect or another, had the same theme, something bad will be eventually be turned into something good. I caught myself leaving before the end of the movie for that reason. So what was it about these movies that warmed my heart. It finally hit me that it was the music. Even though Christmas music sounded way out of place the week after Halloween, that's what was drawing me in.

Music has been a large part of who I am for most of my life and Christmas music has been an even larger part during the holiday season. After college, I wrote several Christmas Cantatas for my church, back home in Texas. The process usually started in the middle of the summer and ended about two weeks before the choir presented it. The music became a much stronger symbol of Christmas to me as I spent so much time pouring my heart into it.

So why did it take so long for me to realize that it was the music.

The past few years, I would rather have the sound of the TV in the background than music. I had the feeling I would miss something on the TV if I didn't have it on. I guess it was because of the times we live in. But actually I was missing out by not having the music playing to soothe my soul. And because of that lack of music, the music that stirred me, brought me back to where my spirit needed to be at Christmas. It doesn't take watching a half a dozen Christmas movies in a row to work on my spirit. It takes getting back to my roots with my Christmas music, not only listening to more, but maybe creating more as well.

They say Christmas is where your heart is. It's time I start sharing more of my Heart through the Music that I Love


and the Journey Continues......

A Simple Man

To be a simple man
One that is humble and patient, kind and generous
A man who sees the world with simple eyes
And a loving heart

A simple man sees the good in others
But reflects all that is negative back to the source
Not letting those who latch on to him, pull him down with anger
Respecting himself first, remaining calm and composed

He shows the world how it should be
Without bias and anger, showing only love and respect
When heated debates arise, he steps back
Knowing no one wins

He shares his views with patience and kindness
And only when there's a reason to show a positive point of view
He waits for that right moment to arise
Never adding to the drama of others

To be a simple man
Not showing his weakness but showing his strength
A man that knows when to say no
But is giving to those in need

A man that will be known by his character
By his grace and kind deeds
A simple man with a purpose
To reach the world through peace

What Will I See

What will I see when I wake up today
Will I see through the same eyes as yesterday
Will I see a world in turmoil
Will I feel the defeat

When I wake up today
Will I see my life defeated and worn down
Will I see the mistakes and choices
Will they bring me down once more

What will I see when I wake up today
Will I change my vision
Will I see in color or black and white
Will my sight be blurred or focused

When I wake up today
Will it be a new day
Will I feel refreshed
Will I see the sun shining through

What will I see when I wake up today
Will I choose to stare or really see
Will the scares in my eyes be gone
Will my heart rejoice with the life I live

When I wake up today
Will it be a new day
Will it be filled with joy and excitement
Will the choice be mine

What will I see when I wake up today
Will I see skies of blue
Will my heart be free
Will my life be new

A Tender Heart

A tender heart is a gentle soul
But burdened too many times from the concern and compassion it feels

A tender heart reaches out to the simplest things
As well as the downtrodden and the lost, the broken and the damaged

A tender heart cares so deeply
It tries so hard to lighten the world of it's pain and injustice

A tender heart makes the world it's priority
Loosing itself too many times, putting it's own needs last

A tender heart concerns itself so much
It forgets how to live each day filled with the joy of living

A tender heart can make one weary
But fulfilled when it sees the fruit of it's labor

A tender heart wants the world to be a better place
Worrying too much on what is and what could be

A tender heart can be a blessing and a curse
Searching for that place between what it can do and what it can't

A tender heart needs compassion and balance
Finding ways to put action to concerns but letting go when no answer is found

A tender heart sows and reap
Always learning to care to a point, then letting go

Mama and Her Makeup

When my Mom and Dad passed, I was the one left to make the decisions about their final arrangements. Most of the decisions were easy, but one that really sounded simple, was the most difficult for me.

When my Mom passed, the funeral home called me in to make sure I approved of the way she looked. With my first glance, I thought she looked good, considering she had lost so much weight. I walked away thinking she looked peaceful but as I came back to look, I realized there was something missing. She didn't quite look like Mama.

As long as I can remember, Mama never left the house without her makeup on. She always had a slightly purple tint of eye shadow as well as lipstick. As she got older, she would put her makeup on first thing in the morning, Even when she was in the nursing home, she would never leave her room till she applied her makeup and always had that small tint of purple on her eyes.

As I thought about this at the funeral home, I realized that's what was missing. I explained this to the worker there and they applied the makeup. Surprisingly, this decision was the most troubling to me. Did I or did I not make the right decision. This simple decision has caused me the most worry since then.

This was the one decision I really wish there would have been someone to help me with. I've told myself it was the decision that I thought was best at the time. I've told myself that it's done and long gone.

It's interesting that some of the simplest things have a way of causing the most regret. I've been looking at some of my regrets lately, trying to get a deeper insight as to why I have hung on to them for so long. Taking a look at this today, I made a judgement call at the time from Mama's life, from her daily routine, from what she thought was important.

So today I've finally let go of this regret. No more if''s, and's, but's or more. I hope maybe through this process I can slowly let go and be at peace with more regrets of what was done and decisions I've made through years. No more pondering on things that don't matter as much and decisions that were made a long time ago, a process that will hopefully put that long lost smile on my face once more.


and the Journey Continues.....

Regrets

I'm probably one of the worst for hanging on to regrets. I know all of the words of wisdom and advice for letting them go, so I can proceed ahead with a more joyful and brighter future, but I don't.

I hang on to decisions. Those I had to make when there was no one to ask for help. I regret the little things, the decisions, the why didn't I do this or that. I know it's too late to change any of these decisions but I still seem to hang on to them,

Recently I've thought about making a list of all the regrets I hold on to. Then I can make a conscientious mind set that all of these things are in the past and can't be changed. I've thought about taking that list and burning it as a symbol that nothing more can be done to change the outcome.

I'm not sure why I cling to them. Sometimes I think that some people have this built into their personality and characteristics. That having a mind that's logical and calculated and a bit of a perfectionist makes it harder to let go. Even with all of the knowledge of knowing what's right, a bit of worry and regret seems to hang in there.

As the song says, "Let I Go, Let It Go" or the words "Let Go and Let God" makes perfect sense for some, for others it's easier to say than to put into action. Unless you have this type of personality, you may not be able to comprehend what we go through.

So what do I do? I continually to try to change my mindset. Maybe burning the list will work, maybe not, but I have to keep trying. I know it's holding me back from some of the joy I seek, Somehow or some way I have to find a way to just do it. Maybe one day it will just click but today I will continue try to change by making an effort to stop when my mind goes to my valley of regrets.

and the Journey Continues.....

Seasons of Life

Light gently peaks through
A place that had been so dark, so cold
A season of time so bare, so lifeless

Colors spring out
Forms take shape
Warmth embraces

The seasons of time
Bringing new life, new purpose
A beginning and an end of a journey

With time, we live through seasons
As with life, they come and go
From darkest night to brightest day

Through God's infinite wisdom
The seasons of nature and life evolved
Ending one cycle, beginning a new

We take the days that seem so bleak
Embrace them and know
It's just a season, a moment

Rays of light soon touch us gently
Changing our surroundings
Bringing tranquility

Once again to feel the joy
The warmth
The fullness of life

We see the seasons run their course
Changing the colors around us
Changing the emotions of our soul

We soak in the warmth of light
We stand firm through the time of darkness
Finding balance as the circle continues

To embrace the darkness of sadness and pain
To revel in the light of joy and love
To find our purpose and understanding in the Seasons of Life